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Swaying

by Epona Love 

Posted: 28 February 2005
Word Count: 105


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Swaying.

A mighty tree may sway
Within a mighty wind,
Blown this way so long
Its bent is pinned.
It cannot change direction
But to grow
Further in the way
The winds may blow.

And here, beneath the tree,
I feel its strength.
I feel the soul embedded
Through its length,
The grandest lord in nature
Noble, true,
And yet, strong wind,
He bows his head to you.

You are the wind my friend,
And I the tree.
You have the power to sway
The heart of me.
And I... I have no will
But natures course,
And grow whereer the wind
Directs its force.









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Comments by other Members



paul53 [for I am he] at 17:37 on 28 February 2005  Report this post
This just came in as I was leaving a comment for you elsewhere.
Another fine offering, but am not sure about "its bent is pinned" even if I know exactly what you mean. Gerard Manley Hopkins got away with more...
Nice sentiment expressed, and I'll have to take counsel whether it is where're, or where'er.

Hamburger Yogi & PBW at 05:32 on 01 March 2005  Report this post
The mood of the narrator seems quiet and patient compared to the events depicted, lending an almost archaic mood to the poem. Words and rythm well governed and quite sophisticated (accomplished) in a reclusive sort of way.

This kind of analogy has also been depicted by Buddhist writers (can't remember which) where a stem of corn is bending gracefully under the weight of accumulated snow. You have your companions 'written in heaven'.

Hamburger Yogi

Brian Aird at 09:35 on 01 March 2005  Report this post
This is a nice contemplative piece. But I wonder if it needs all three verses? There's a lot of repetition - you mention wind or winds five times.

The first two verses are written from the POV of a narrator, but the last verse switches point of view in mid sentence from the tree apparantly addressing the wind ('You' have the power to sway) to the tree or narrator talking about the wind (And grow where 'the wind' Directs its force.

The tone of the poem complemented the subject well, and there is ample scope to use the effect of the wind as a metaphor for forces in life that shape our own destiny. In fact I read a nod to this in that last verse. Just add the word 'like' before 'tree' in the second line of the last verse? Just a thought.



Brian

roovacrag at 21:54 on 01 March 2005  Report this post
Epona.sensual piece with the winds and the flow passing by.

I didn't think it was repetitious,but then I liked the flow as it went.

xx Alice

Epona Love at 10:19 on 02 March 2005  Report this post
Thanks for all your comments.
Paul... "its bent is pinned"... I was thinking bent as in the way that you see trees that have a permanent bent dirrection because of the wind constantly having hit them from a certain direction, but also in the human sense of having a natural bent towards somthing, a leaning towards art or science etc, if that makes any sense? And pinned as in pinned down, can't move? I was also wondering about the where're, where'er... the later makes more gramatical sense.
Hamburger... thankyou, and yes at the time of writting this, (quiet, patient), I felt quite at peace with the idea of being at the mercy of 'the wind', not fighting it, and at one with nature.
Brian, yes, I do mention a lot of wind! It played a big part, will look at it though. The verses... I feel each one has its place... the second one, if I am the tree, is all about personal power and I bow with respect to the wind, willingly... 3rd verse about acceptance of nature, life, love (because strangely enough this is a love poem above all other meaning!)... and I see what you mean about the change in point of view, may well add 'like'... thankyou for your in-put.
Alice, thankyou. I'm glad you felt it was sensual.

Emma, x.

paul53 [for I am he] at 12:47 on 02 March 2005  Report this post
"Its bent is pinned" now makes perfect sense, and I rescind my comment.

What I try to do when I leave feedback for anyone on WW is to give the poem a cursory first glance only.
This might sound unfair, but I am only doing what agents and publishers will do with their mountain of submissions, and what most WW readers do when browsing through the Random Reads.
I want each poem from this group the ones that makes the reader stop and go back through it slowly a second time.


jewelsx at 20:51 on 05 March 2005  Report this post
you have got a lot of strong images in this poem, but it might work a bit better if you could cut it down a little bit and lose some of the repetitions.

I loved the first 2 lines, a great entrance into a lovely piece that only needs mild editing.

all the best

jewelsx


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