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Wide Open Enclosure

by goldenpath 

Posted: 19 February 2005
Word Count: 47
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The leaves unfolded
The lies were woven
At one point it all exploded

We changed our plans
Shook different hands
And the sun came up
To melt the bands

Climb out of that skin
And welcome your brother
"That’s last year’s news
Put me down for another"






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Ticonderoga at 13:38 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
I like this a lot; it's very tightly written and extremely evocative. I just wonder if it's not slightly too eliptical - I don't quite 'get' what the event in the poem is. Just one more line possibly, to give it a little context? Fine piece, though.


Best,

Mike
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goldenpath at 17:44 on 21 February 2005  Report this post
Thanks for your comments Mike. The poem points to how fickle and capricious we can be at times. So hell-bent on individuality when it suits but still looking for the greener grass over the fence, and I just liked the tempo of the words as they came so left it as it was, you're right, maybe some changes would give it more context, will bear it in mind.
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