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TAKE IT

by roovacrag 

Posted: 18 February 2005
Word Count: 48
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Take my heart to make you whole
my strength will overcome
your weakness
my power will be yours.

My soul for you to devour
above all
making a love so true
no-one can take or break it.

Lifelong love that we
will share
in this world
and beyond.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 08:24 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
Hi Alcie - nice to see you! It's strange, yesterday I was trying to get a bit of inspiration and was playing around with strength/weakness/power ... exactly the words you have used here!

You summed it up in the last verse. Nice one.

Joan
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Mr B. at 10:31 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
Alice,

I love writing that deals with the 'soul-mate' idea, and, for me, this piece did. Without wanting to change the content I would have liked to see more vulnerability in the narrative voice. All the strength seems to come from them. The last stanza shows the mutual pleasure taken from the relationship. Through tone or some other device could the vulnerability of the strong be alluded to? Maybe it was and I missed it! I did like the piece - brief and powerful.

Cheers,

Anthony
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roovacrag at 17:17 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
Joan many thanks for comments. Trying a different approach to poetry.
Will still go back to the comic verses.
xx Alice
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roovacrag at 17:19 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
Anthony.
I know what you mean. Trying to do something different and fit it in to my art.
XX Alice
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jewelsx at 23:51 on 19 February 2005  Report this post
lovely sentiment, lovely written.

you have inspired me to go back and work on a piece i have put aside for a couple of weeks

jewelsx
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paul53 [for I am he] at 09:55 on 20 February 2005  Report this post
I wish I could be as succinct. Well done.
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Lawrenco at 17:44 on 20 February 2005  Report this post
So few words ,work as as testament of feelings so well placed ,says it all.
True Love in three stanzas.Nice one Alice. Pat.
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roovacrag at 19:54 on 20 February 2005  Report this post
Jewels manythanks. I am glad it has inspired you to go back and look at a poem you have started and not finished. Hope to read it soon.
xx Alice
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roovacrag at 19:55 on 20 February 2005  Report this post
Paul, thanks. I hadn't realised how few words I had used.
xx Alice
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roovacrag at 19:58 on 20 February 2005  Report this post
Patrick always a pleasure to hear your remarks.
Wrote it a while back. Must be my anniversary coming up that has given me the push.

xxxxx Alice
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