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haiku - untitled
Posted: 11 February 2005
Word Count: 11
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Born into the light
A dark death by wisdom;
Seasons completed
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 Tuppence at 20:40 on 11 February 2005
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oh wow!
do the light & the dark meet in the middle?
tups is leaving the building
have 1 last haiku
talk 2 my friends & i off
bless poppynov11@aol.com xxx
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 joanie at 07:59 on 12 February 2005
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Hi jewelsx, I'm still pondering on this one and getting different meanings - amazing in 11 words, isn't it? Do you mean spring through winter, birth then death? Wisdom because that's how the seasons have to be - there has to be death in order to be re-born?
Oh, sorry, that's a very long response to a haiku!
Perhaps I should just enjoy the words and feel of it instead of questioning.
I enjoyed it!
joanie
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jewelsx at 23:50 on 13 February 2005
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Tuppence,
why u off? we all love ya here! your responses are always so great and appreciated!!!!
don't go.............
too many people want you to stay!
jewelsx
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jewelsx at 23:53 on 13 February 2005
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Joanie,
Thanks for the response, i am glad that you enjoyed it. you picked up on most of the ideas that were swirling around in my head at the time when i was writing it!
jewelsx
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Hamburger Yogi & PBW at 07:06 on 18 February 2005
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I read this poem as a human life.
I was not sure what my associations should be for 'a dark death by wisdom' where 'wisdom' is seen as causative.
Hamburger Yogi
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jewelsx at 20:35 on 03 March 2005
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HY,
i was working around the idea that wisdom is seen to come in the later stages of life - associated with age.
jewelsx
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lieslj at 15:00 on 21 March 2005
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To my way of thinking, words like 'a', 'the' & 'and' in Haiku are a waste of syllables and reduce the potential and potency of your concept.
You could really push this one harder and add another dimension if, for example, you ditched 'the' in the first line and preceded it with a single syllable, like 'rough' or 'hard'.
Similarly in your second line try to create more movement by losing 'a' and 'by' with something like 'unfolds' or 'reveals'
I've taken the liberty of editing your haiku to encourage you to extend your meaning. You must find the precise words that will represent your imagined meaning.
Slow birth into light
Wisdom's dark death foretells
Seasons Completed.
Warm regards
Liesl
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hailfabio at 18:49 on 10 May 2005
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Hya,
I like this, and what I pick up after several reads is that in birth we are pure with no wisdom/opinions/predudices, total innocence.....and wisdom we pick up during life slowly diminishes the light of innocence, making us narrow minded hence the darkness. The seasons meaning the stages of life.
Thats what I think anyway....
Take Care
Stephen
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