She looked so casual, so calm, so cold and most definitely calculated. I had to step out of my body for a moment and just check that this was really happening, but then of course it had to be real didn’t it. It was real because the feeling in my stomach told me it was real, the same feeling you get when you rode on the big dipper at the fun fair when you were a teenager. That horrible sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach said it was real, that’s your body’s way of making moments like this feel even worse than what they really are.

I just stared right back at her, my mouth was probably wide open and I probably looked like an idiot but I didn’t care. This woman, my fiancée, my teenage sweetheart who has been with me for seven years. What has she done? My head dropped, reality was now rapidly sinking in. Hang on a minute! Why am I so calm as well, she has just inflicted the most horrific emotional crime there is. My stomach may have sunk but my heart is at resting pulse, my breathing, completely normal. This whole moment in my life has just passed me by and I’m as calm as the sea on a hot and windless day, yet my Samantha just sits there with those sky blue eyes looking back at me. She obviously doesn’t give two hoots about my feelings which is a shame, I thought we had something special together.

You see I had started to suspect months ago that something was wrong, you get that feeling when you are somebody’s soul mate, you now everything. Every little bit of sorrow felt, every bit of happiness shared. That’s why we were meant for each other, I knew the first time I saw her that I would make her mine. Long were the days leading up to us finally courting, I had to loose weight and change my wardrobe for this women but all worth it of course. The hardest part was trying to get with her, you see, it’s considered a bad thing for two friends to get together. I say friends, we were best friends and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship over a stint in my life when I lusted after her. So I played it smart and when I realised that lust had turned to love I made my move, it was all or nothing when I asked her. Had she said no, then I probably would have left her side as a friend and slipped off quietly into the night. The embarrassment to strong to stick around and the jealousy, to much for me too take.

Luckily she had said yes when I asked her out and the rest is history as they say…..Until February kicked in, then I started to notice changes in our communication. She would always be behind an emotional window, unsocial and at most times un-rational with any logical thinking. Our sex life dwindled off into the sunset and she was clocking up the overtime at work, it’s fair to say that this was when I suspected there was something wrong. Yet nothing quite prepares you for the moment of truth, you hear whispers from friends and rumours from family members but you try to block it all out. You try and cling to the one thing that means most in your life, and for me it was that she still loved me after seven years.

This wasn’t so however, she had met someone else. My friends knew it, my family knew it and rather depressingly I knew it. Then the moment of truth arrived, I’ll layout the scenario for you if I may.
You come home from a dead end job that you hate, hoping beyond hope that the one thing in your life that means the most to you is waiting for you. And what do you discover? Your fiancée having sex on the sofa, my sofa. And not with any random bloke or a mate of yours, no, it’s with your brother! YOUR BROTHER, I have to laugh when I think about it now though. Everyone I ever trusted is privately screwing me behind my back and making a mockery of everything I am, my closest kin is helping to bring all meaning of my life to an abrupt end.

Yet the following confrontation is what gets me the most, they stop and my Sam casually gets off the sofa and my brother and without saying anything, walks out the room. My older brother then has the audacity to laugh at me, making a mockery of me and my life. There’s him with his cushy job and nice BMW and me with Samantha and my warehouse job, that makes him better than me does it? No it doesn’t, he and my Sam have committed the biggest sin going and have shown absolutely no remorse for what happened. By now my head is throbbing with thoughts, rage, anger and torment to name but a few. And as I try to make sense of it all, my brother is still tormenting me. Comments are coming out of his mouth and even now when I think about it, I can’t remember a word he said it all happened so fast. By now my rage was an unstoppable train rattling down the express line, I picked up the nearest object and flung it at him. Just then Samantha jumps on my back biting and screaming at me, I didn’t even notice her come back in the room. I’m completely stunned, my fiancée is attacking me! What did I do? Yet she is still screaming at me, just then she bites the back of my neck and in shock I fling my back to the side. Samantha is thrown from my back from the force of my sudden twist and I here a crashing sound behind me. But just for a split second I forget about her and touch the back of my neck, there’s blood! Samantha drew blood when she bit me! I slumped down onto my sofa and that’s when I realise, I threw the first thing I could grab at my brother which unfortunately for me was an iron. Now he’s lying on the other sofa with blood pouring from his head and a blank look on his face, I then turn my head to the right.
Samantha is slouched down by the fireplace staring back at me, there’s now emotion on her face at all. That’s when it strikes me, I’ve killed them! OH MY GOD I’VE KILLED THEM!

My beautiful Sam is dead and I did it, I killed her. I threw an iron at my brother and now he’s dead, what have I done. I just keep staring at my beautiful fiancée, the blank look on her face say’s it all. Her sky blue eyes not looking at me but through me, and it’s all my doing. Yet as I sit here and weigh everything up, I can’t understand why I’m feeling so calm.