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Villanelle - Dreaming radio waves from the Constellation of Id

by gard 

Posted: 04 February 2005
Word Count: 520
Summary: A villanelle I just wrote for the online class I am participating in. It has a strict form as given by the teacher. Its a first and second and third draft! There is a reference to "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver. renamed third time for fun


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Dreaming radio waves from the Constellation of Id Version 3

The earth has turned I face a new sky
Old wry night stars chant new-ancient tale
So strange the world ends if the end of I.

Sweet earth vapors beginning to dry
Atmosphere charm has started to rail
But what will it mean when we say good-bye?

And yes lazuli moon still spins about the sky
Million meteor years scarred but no less frail
So strange the world ends if the end of I.

The Solar turns Terra Firma the wild geese will fly
The metronome rules and the Sun will wane pale
But what will it mean when we say good-bye?

Resonant Gaia meets more than my eye
Where will we be when the light starts to fail?
So strange the world ends if the end of I.

And the axiom I ponder, is the centre of My.
A miss-corded nebulous in destiny's scale
So strange the world ends if the end of I
But what will it mean when we say good-bye?


Whispers in the Constant of Id Version 2


The earth has turned I face a new sky
Wry ancient night stars chant new-old tale
So strange the world ends if the end of I.

Sweet earth vapors beginning to dry
Atmospheric charm has started to rail
Still I hope I see the Borealis before I die.

And yes lazuli moon is still spinning by
Million meteor years scarred but no less frail
So strange the world ends if the end of I.

The sun turns Terra Firma the wild geese will fly
but birds won't warble when the sun wanes pale
Still I hope I see the Borealis before I die.

Resonant Gaia meets more than my eye
Where will she be when the light starts to fail?
So strange the world ends if the end of I.

And the axiom I ponder, is the centre of My
a curious nebulous weaves destiny's trail
So strange the world ends if the end of I
Still I hope I see the Borealis before I die.


Version 1

Whispers in the Constant of Self


The earth has turned I face a new sky
And ancient night stars chart old-new tale
Yet strange the world ends if the end of I.

Sweet earth vapors beginning to dry
Atmospheric charm has started to rail
Still I hope to see “Aurora B” before I die.

And yes lazuli moon is still spinning by
Meteor years scarred but no less frail
Yet strange the world ends if the end of I.

The world needs the sun like birds can fly
And birds won't sing when the sun burns pale
Still I hope to see “Aurora B” before I die.

Beautiful Gaia meets more than my eye
You know things will end you'll not prevail
Yet strange the world ends if the end of I.

And so for now I ponder, at the centre of My
Breathtaking and banal marking the trail
Yet strange the world ends if the end of I
Still I hope to see “Aurora B” before I die.






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Comments by other Members



Hamburger Yogi & PBW at 08:57 on 07 February 2005  Report this post
All of these versions have the same quality it seems to me. So the only changes would be formal - to make it work as metre. The tone is philosophical and relaxed, so perhaps this should be reflected in a constant beat and a softening of the consonants where possible. That, of course, is entirely up to you.

Hamburger Yogi

jewelsx at 16:34 on 11 February 2005  Report this post
hi,

you can definetly feel the natural flow of the poem when you read it. It was a good idea to post all 3 versions - i enjoyed watching the developments you made.

what type of class is it your taking because i am enjoying the outcome! lol

thanks
jewelsx


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