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days end

by Samerbata 

Posted: 04 February 2005
Word Count: 68

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slither across the paint
and splash the colour
create picture perefect smiles
with a swift shiver

the cold down my spine

snakes eyes, look in
look inside
fragements of a picture perfect
come togehter
they create the fate
come toghter

be the cold down my spine

slither across the walk of life
the long mile, with a new footstep
one day starts, with the same
a day ends.

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 20:30 on 20 March 2005  Report this post
This is a good first draft, but I count four spelling mistakes. Think about what it is you wanted to say, and ask yourself if you have managed to say it. Poetry is about making the reader feel what you are feeling without overtly telling them. Rewrite it, get it spellchecked, and pare it away to its essence.

BorderBound at 20:57 on 18 July 2005  Report this post
Sorry - but I really don't agree with Paul.

I think, I feel, I write - It flows... and thats a great poem.

I get comments about my spelling mistakes all the time, poetry... is about expression.

I was into the poem, didn't even realise and THATS what poetry should be about.

Sam, - its really good to see a poet on here that doesn't write about animals and love...

I really enjoyed reading it.

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