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Sijo - Cognizant

by gard 

Posted: 26 January 2005
Word Count: 32
Summary: A Sijo I wrote (quite quickly ) for an online class I am participating in
Related Works: Amaranthine • 

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Standing cold in icy storm, wallowed in my seasoned life
what whirls of wrath unwrapped my whims with rimy slap?
I saw against my garage wall huddled deer white with snow.

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Comments by other Members

tinyclanger at 11:34 on 27 January 2005  Report this post
Sijo, eh?! Thanks Gard, never heard of it as a form but have just done a quick google and learnt something!
I don't really feel qualified to crit it as a form, but I do like the image and the contrast between the first two lines which are quite ethereal and the last which is visually very sharp. I also think the deer contrast well to the gagage door, the latter so ordinary and everyday, the deer in such a context quite unusual.
I also think you convey the place and time well, I felt cold just reading it. Particularly enjoyed "whirls of wrath"


joanie at 11:54 on 27 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Gard; like tc, I googled as soon as I saw this. Interesting! I like the form, and especially the middle line here.

Very enjoyable; I shall research a bit more.


gard at 14:21 on 27 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Tinyclanger and Joanie

thank you! I had not expected this to be read for a while. Well you know my "teacher" told me that he likes this too, but that I should have made the middle a question...I changed door to wall seemed more real. I will have to edit it a little to get the form right.


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