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Lying (to your heart)

by BorderBound 

Posted: 23 January 2005
Word Count: 56
Summary: mmm, it has been a good, what? six months since I posted...


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Make believe its love
Tell yourself that its worth keeping
Fighting for that belief,
That all that you do
Have said
Have done,
All of that,
Isnít worth replacing
With nothing
Because its love.

But if you hold onto anything
For too long
If it struggles
Youíll break it
Youíll loose it
And behold
Its gone.






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Comments by other Members



Tuppence at 16:59 on 23 January 2005  Report this post
lovely,short,to the point & emotive
will kook back on other work u done
cheers

Account Closed at 18:38 on 23 January 2005  Report this post
Short and punchy, I really liked this. Some of the "its" need to be "it's" though, and could the "behold" be replaced with "look"? - as "behold" is rather archaic and doesn't fit in with the rest of the language here. Oh, and should it be "lose" not "loose"?

Marvellous poem though!

:))

LoL

A
xxx

BorderBound at 07:52 on 24 January 2005  Report this post
Yeah I always think its funny how I totally forget the rules when it comes to spelling and punctuation and the rest of that nonesense, I don't think it matters with poetry - in fact I think the lack of it brings out something stronger, but perhaps thats me making excuses :)!

However: I pick words carefully,
not look, behold. the two words have a slight, important difference,

as always thanks for the feedback, nice after so long!

Ticonderoga at 15:35 on 26 January 2005  Report this post
Very pithy, painful and poignant.

Best,

Mike


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