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Precious

by Jubbly 

Posted: 22 January 2005
Word Count: 628
Summary: A longer Flash for me and another in the HH series.


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Precious

Molly was always losing things,be it jumpers, books, money or once even, her own lunch. It didn’t matter that nametags were painstakingly stitched into items of clothing; they would still disappear with alarming regularity. Her mother despaired, "St Anthony," she’d decry, then recite her mantra, "St Anthony, St Anthony please look around, something’s lost and must be found." Sometimes the patient saint took pity and roused himself from his other duties to join in the search, but most times even he gave up on Molly. Their neighbour Heather Halliday shook her head in dismay on hearing Molly’s mother shouting at her to look harder for another seemingly poltergeist - snatched article; Later that evening she knocked on Molly’s door.

“Here you are dear, I do hope this helps.”
Heather presented Molly with a gold plated pen, Molly held it in her palm, and saw the words – Molly Rowe, 123 Glendale Rd, Picton, dancing along the pen in a heavenly font.

“Oh!” exclaimed her mother, “What a lovely thought, Molly…what do you say?”

Though Molly treasured her brand new pen, its very existence terrified her. What if she lost it? What would Miss Halliday say? Her mother would go mad. She didn't dare take it to school so she left it on her desk, inside an old show box that doubled as a stationary drawer.

Whenever Molly saw her neighbour she’d smile and Heather would ask after the pen.
“Still got it I hope, you’d be very careless to lose it now wouldn’t you?”

Once when Miss Halliday popped over to borrow a gardening tool she cornered Molly in the hallway.

“How’s the pen?”
“Fine.”
“Can I see it?”
Molly must have looked worried, despite the fact she knew exactly where the wretched pen was, and Miss Halliday obviously wasn't convinced of the pen's continued presence either and even asked her mother for reassurance that she still had it.

"Of course, Miss Halliday, she guards it with her life." Molly was made to go upstairs immediately and bring down the pen, which she did unquestioningly. Heather smiled and muttered, "Good."

She first noticed it was missing the day after her cousin Amber had visited.
“No,” said Amber, “Never touched it.”

She didn't dare tell her mother, she begged St Anthony to get off his arse and look around, but to her disappointment, he had other plans.

Every time Molly saw Heather she panicked, when Heather smiled at her, Molly looked away, her guilt clearly visible.

A week passed and no amount of searching then looking again in all the same places produced the pen. The doorbell rang, and to her horror she heard Miss Halliday’s voice.
“I’ll put the kettle on,” her mother chirped.

Molly stayed in her room, her heartbeat seeming louder with every moment. “Don’t come in, don’t come in” she whispered over and over, but the footsteps grew nearer.

Knock, knock.

Molly froze, was there time to hide, no, her door slowly opened.

“Hello Molly dear, “

Molly looked up, her eyes meeting her tormentor head on.

“Are you alright dear?”

Molly nodded unconvincingly.

“Doing your homework?”

Molly shook her head.

“No, I don’t suspect you can be.”

“What?”

Heather shut the door gently behind her and slowly approached Molly.

“It must be very difficult writing without a pen.”

Molly’s breathing quickened as Heather shot her a look of disgust.


But before she could confess, Heather handed her the gold pen, complete with engraving.

"It was in your front garden dear, you must have dropped it on your way to school, tut, tut."

Now the pen stays under lock and key in a safety box bought by her father, of all the things she’d lost the worst would be to lose Heather Halliday’s respect.








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Comments by other Members



Anj at 16:15 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
Julie,

I love the character of Miss Halliday - feels unflappable, wise, all-seeing and warm.

I found the chronology confusing. HH gives Molly the pen, keeps checking up on her, asks one day, Molly goes up unquestioningly to get it although she's already lost it; then they search for it for a week, then HH reveals she knows it's lost, even though she presumably already knew that because Molly didn't come back downstairs with it - or is it just me?

Some great lines, especially "she begged St Anthony to get off his arse and look around" - love this.

Andrea

Jubbly at 16:55 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
Thanks Andrea, I'll check it through again. The pen isn't lost when HH comes to check on it, Molly has it in her room and brings it down to show her, it's only after her cousin arrives it goes missing. Thanks for reading, there is a sinister side to HH I feel.

Julie

Anj at 16:58 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
The sinister side - I did notice that HH appears outside Molly's door and in her hallway and, even if she was very intimate with the family, it seemed a bit creepy that Molly's mother wasn't mentioned as present - was that part of the sinister? So it's more the all-seeing than the warm you're going for?

account closed at 22:31 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Julie,

Finally got around to checking out some work -- motherhood and writing ensure that I am permanently knackered (or should that be nackered?)I see that you have written on the same theme though so I expect at least some sympathy!
I absolutely agree that HH has a sinister side. Straight away, from her gift of the pen, I thought she was a nasty piece of work. I really liked the way the story suggests more than it tells, and I for one would like to know more about both Molly and HH.
Terrific stuff,
Cheers,
Susan

anisoara at 13:37 on 23 January 2005  Report this post
This one wasn't what I was expecting. It gives us a different view of Heather. I can see it providing a sort of relief when grouped with the other HH flashes.

Not sure about the use of 'albeit' in the first paragraph: 'albeit jumpers, books...." I think 'be it' would work better.

Love the invocation of St Anthony and the way you involve him! Great.

The pen is such a mystery! I was already drawn into your story, but this clinches it.

old show box - typo? shoe box?

Nice work, Julie.

<Added>

I just started reading the other comments, and realised that I forgot to say that it was my understanding that HH had, true to form, stolen the pen herself. (Am I right?)

<Added>

Back again!!! When this is grouped with the other HH flashes, you'd suspect that HH had taken then pen herself....

Account Closed at 14:30 on 23 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Julie,
Albeit stood out for me too. Knowing HH as we do, I expected it was her who was losing Molly's stuff for her.

I got a bit lost here:

Her mother despaired, ask St Anthony she’d decry, then recite her mantra, St Anthony, St Anthony please look around, something’s lost and must be found.

I think you need some punctuation.

Her mother despaired. "Ask St A she'd decry, then recite her mantra," ..."

One day whilst Molly’s mother was shouting at her to look harder for another seemingly poltergeist snatched article; their neighbour Heather Halliday shook her head in dismay. = this seemed heavy. Maybe turn it round and start with H and if you keep seemingly poltergeist snatched (bit of a mouthful) you could add a hyphen between poltergeist and snatched.

Molly must have looked guilty because Miss Halliday obviously didn't believe her and even asked her mother for reassurance that she still had it. Molly was made to go upstairs immediately and bring down the pen, which she did unquestioningly. Heather smiled and muttered, "Good."


I don't really get why Molly looked guilty and she doesn't answer the question.

Daren't = isn't this present? Didn't dare?

Great story - the fact that she has to keep the damn thing under lock and key is so ridiculous!

Elspeth

Jubbly at 16:27 on 23 January 2005  Report this post
Thanks Susan, Ani and Elspeth,

This one does need more editing, it was written really quickly. At first I had Heather steal the pen then I thought I'd make it more ambiguous, I think the pen was geniunely dropped in the garden then taken by Heather, only to return it once she'd caused Molly to panic. Heather is a rather playful control freak I fear. I'll sort out those lines now.

Cheers all

Julie
x

scottwil at 10:02 on 24 January 2005  Report this post
Oh I love the idea of the creepy HH stealing the pen back.

I might be missing a bit of linkage when HH says: “Here you are dear, I do hope this helps.”
It feels like the gift of a pen is a bit gratuitous at this point. Perhaps if it's established that Molly is particularly prone to losing pens??

I'm like this with mobile phones and umbrellas and much prefer to leave them at home.

Best
Sion

crowspark at 22:03 on 25 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Julie, I found this quite dark - full of the fear of loss and the threat of being found out. (Or maybe that is just me.) St Anthony was a lighter touch. Loved the mantra, "St Anthony, St Anthony please look around, something’s lost and must be found."

I worked in an office for 5 years and all that time things kept going missing. I visited it the other day and asked the new occupants how they liked and they said it was fine except the way, when they put things down, they couldn't find them again. Spooky!

Bill

bjlangley at 10:27 on 26 January 2005  Report this post
Julie, I like the idea that HH could have stolen the pen back, and think it's best left unstated, it gives it a more sinister edge. I like the way that something like a pen is so heavily guarded, kept under lock and key.

All the best,

Ben


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