Reality

Sunday - Day 1
Why on earth did I start out on this stupid trip in the first place? One minute I am surrounded by five star luxury, looking forward to starting out on the experience of a lifetime, then 24 hours later here I am – after falling out of the sky spectacularly and landing in the middle of nowhere - bedding down with nature, alone, with but a few animals and insects for company.

Monday – Day 2
After trekking across the jungle for half a day I ended up with blisters the size of walnuts, mosquito bites on top of mosquito bites and I have sliced my arms to pieces by using them as my scythe to force my way through the bush. I made a bed beside a beautiful waterfall, if I wasn’t so scared I’d appreciate this place a lot more. It’s not quiet but I doubt I will sleep much tonight anyway, it may even be comforting. I have explored the immediate area and there is nothing but a huge expanse of jungle. I hope I’m not here for long.

Tuesday - Day 3
If the only companions I am to have are the monkeys that surround me, and I am forced to listen to their selfish incessant screeching day and night, I think I shall go quite mad. I have almost learned to ignore all the eyes watching me and pretend they’re not there at all.

Wednesday – Day 4
Food here is hard to find. I’m in danger of wasting away.

Thursday – Day 5
Today I ate bugs. I had to. There was no other choice if I wanted to eat properly. The cockroaches didn’t taste much worse than a meal at my local Chinese. The trick is to pull the legs off first so they don’t squirm around in your mouth then crunch and swallow quickly.

Friday – Day 6
God, please help me, it feels like I am going to be here forever. Marissa, I love you, tell the kids I miss them and I hope I haven’t been an embarrassment.

Saturday – Day 7
I have to catch snippets of sleep when I can. This afternoon I woke up to a peculiar feeling. It was teeming with rain and unbearably humid, I was soaked through to the skin and I had acquired several leeches as pets. My calves, hands and face all had tiny black slugs attached to my bare skin. I guess they hadn’t had a good meal in days either. Apparently the best way to remove them is to sprinkle salt on them, handy to know in the middle of the jungle.

Sunday – Day 8
The image I have of Marissa in my head is enough alone to keep me going. A gentle breeze blowing her hair across her face, those beautiful eyes laughing with me as she brushes it away carefully, with her elegant piano playing fingers.

Monday – Day 9
If I were younger, this might be fun. Making a fire, building a dry camp, catching my own food, but when it is something you have to do to survive, it becomes a chore as well as a matter of life or death.

Tuesday - Day 10
Part of me wants to leave so badly, to be with Marissa, for her to hold my head in her hands and tell me everything will be alright, while part of me wants to stick it through to the end whenever that may be. I just can’t walk out, I wish I could, I am lost.

Wednesday - Day 11
Mud, slime, flies, sweat, smells, snakes, B.O, hunger, dirt, crocodiles, cockroaches, leeches, mosquitoes, no sleep, spiders.

Thursday - Day 12
Roast chicken and stuffing, treacle pudding and custard, home made lasagne, cheese, a glass of chardonnay, freshly baked bread with thick-spread butter melting slightly on top, lobster.

Friday - Day 13
I have been trying to understand the voices. There are less of them now, they have dwindled day by day, and I am just beginning to understand them but they don’t listen to me. Most of the time it is a jumble of words, they talk about how they know best. A few of them tell me what to do, but I won’t obey them, they don’t like that.

Saturday - Day 14
I can’t believe it! After jumping out of a plane to get here, I am now being escorted out of this hell hole by Ant and Dec to a waiting captive audience! Not only have I won and am King of the Jungle, but people lactually love me again! Singing to myself, I walk across the moonlit bridge back to reality!