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magnetic one

by gard 

Posted: 15 January 2005
Word Count: 50
Summary: my quick magnetic exercise. I will attempt another

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Boy gone man
the soft wind mostly whispered of lust
innocent beauty turned pink and blushed together
outside inside we two took the easy garden gift
and incubated desire void of skin or death
we felt music in the sweated-love
a forest of blue awakening beat through the sky

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Comments by other Members

joanie at 22:56 on 15 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Gard, mmmmmm, lovely. Especially .... oh no, I can't find a bit I like especially; I like the whole thing.

I love the feeling of sound and colour in this and the sensuality.


Nell at 07:57 on 16 January 2005  Report this post
Hi gard,

A fabulous first line, and a poem that speaks a truth yet leaves the reader with lots to think about too. loved ...outside inside we two took the easy garden gift... which seems to allude to Eden. ...Void of skin or death... I wondered about the use of the word 'skin' here; to me it speaks of a spiritual union with 'death' temporarily non-existent. Beautiful.

Shall we carry on with the Magnetic Poetry a little longer?

For our next study it would be good to try Elsie's idea of posting a poem for discussion without giving the author's name. It would have to be
out of copyright (poet dead for 70 years) and be fairly obscure so none of us recognised it. Perhaps we could ask fevvers to find one, otherwise the poster wouldn't be able to join in. What do you think?


gard at 12:39 on 16 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Joanie and Nell. Thanks for your comments! Nell yes you were correct in your interpretation the idea of the physical being spiritual.

That's a great idea to read work from a poet out of copyright poem. I agree perhaps Fevvers could/might suggest one?

I do like the magnetic poetry. I think I will try some more exercises with the magentic poetry but I can do that in my own time. I am often looking for a way to have less conjunctions etc, if only I could find that word! I found using the magentic poetry a good exercise for that...


laurafraser at 10:39 on 17 January 2005  Report this post
this is wonderful! rich expanse of imagery and language that chimes together to evoke an image of something quite beautiful xlaura

fevvers at 14:13 on 18 January 2005  Report this post
There is a lovely haiku-esque feel to this poem. I like the tone and especially the last line. What this kind of exercise does is gives us licence to explore words and associations (and regions) that we might not have otherwise done. And also to look at how successful our use of abstract nouns might be.

What you've written here is lovely, but you might want to maybe take out some of the adjectives and maybe even add a concrete image to anchor some of your abstract ideas on to. I'd be interested to see what else could come from this piece.
Good stuff!


Elsie at 22:26 on 19 January 2005  Report this post
Gard, a little late I know. i thought this was lovely, evocative of adolescence? My only wonder was, perhaps the second 'gone' could be replaced? Love the 'incubated desire' line. and the 'garden lift' - how exotic!


gard at 18:05 on 22 January 2005  Report this post
LauraF, Fevvers, Elsie

thank you!

Elsie yes I took out the "gone" and put in "turned" for now, until I think of something.

Fevvers thanks for the advice, I will try those things you suggest. I have been thinking about it, so I will work on bringing in something concrete and cropping the adjectives etc and then repost.


Mac AM at 12:49 on 30 January 2005  Report this post
What a great opening line. Almost echoes summer madness and prepares us for the lust to come. You hold it together very tightly too.


gard at 13:54 on 31 January 2005  Report this post
Hi MacAM

thanks for you lovely comment!


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