Login   Sign Up 



 

The Problem with Me

by Courtney S Hughes 

Posted: 25 June 2003
Word Count: 513
Summary: Practice monologue


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Today she’s not speaking with me.
I say not speaking, I mean we are speaking but we’re just not communicating.
The bare minimum words to get through the day.
Enough to issue a command or order,
But not enough to let me know if she still cares.
It’s at moments like these when my mind starts to spark off wild ideas and accusation.
But to be fair, some people have moments when they simply don’t want to speak.
They have nothing to say.
They are feeling nothing new or special.
Therefore, nothing to express.
Then, of course, there is the other side of the story.
The fact that she’s just woken up.
The fact that she didn’t sleep well last night.
The fact that she’s late for work.
Her mind is on other things.
Her mind is on other more important things.
Her mind is on other places.
Other times.
Other responsibilities.
Other people.
Other men.
[Beat]
Another man.
But who? Which?
One from the past or one from the present?
Maybe she’s thinking about the other me?
Maybe she’s looking for him?
After all, I’m still trying to find the old me.
I woke up one morning and I discovered that I had run away and deserted me.
I left nothing but a simple note.
And it just said:
“I’m not who I used to be and I’ve been denying that for too long. I can’t keep on living this lie and that is why I’m leaving. I’m sorry, but at least we had some good times. Good luck for the future. Yours Sincerely, You.”
I guess I could have run out after me.
But I didn’t know where I was going.
Who I’d be staying with.
So I just let me leave.
I was so embarrassed that I had left me that I couldn’t tell anyone.
I just tried to carry on my day as if nothing had happened.
As if everything was still fine.
I carried on the same routine.
I would talk to friends, family and colleagues about me as if we were still together.
But all the time, in the back of my head,
I knew I had left a long time ago.
It wasn’t until this morning that I wondered if she had found out too.
Maybe someone had told her?
Maybe she had seen me walking through the park when I was at home?
Maybe she had even met up with me for coffee to try and sort things out between me, myself and I?
And maybe, when she sat there sipping her mocaccino and looking into my eyes,
She realised something.
She realised that all along she was never in love with me.
She was in love with who I was.
And there she was.
Sitting opposite the old me.
Drinking coffee.
Listening to jokes.
Smiling.
Laughing.
And for the first time in weeks,
She was happy again.
Or maybe,
Perhaps,
She was just tired and late for work,
And all this was just dancing around in my mind,
Making me sick for no reason.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Lisa at 12:00 on 05 July 2003  Report this post
Adrian,

I love this piece of writing. It feels very real and yet isn't afraid to slip into something more poetic at times.

I can really picture this being spoken on stage - is it an extract from a larger piece of writing or just an exercise? It would be great to see it evolve into something bigger.

By the way, should, "stars" be "starts" (6th line down)?

Love it.

Lisa

tweed at 20:03 on 17 July 2003  Report this post
Excellent. Say no more.

Courtney S Hughes at 12:50 on 24 July 2003  Report this post
Lisa and Tweed,

Thank you so much for your kind comments.
I must first appologise for my failure to correspond as regularly as I would like (see message to group) and also for my appauling spelling.

Lisa: The monologue was pretty much experimental and is not part of a more developed piece. I like trying to move between the borders of poetry and naturalism and jump back and forth between the two. I like the fact that there is more scope for playing with language or trying different styles in theatre that are not so readily available in the commercial sector (i.e. TV and Film)

And yes... Star should be starts.

Ive now replaced it on the site with something that I consider a lot weaker but certainly more topical. Enjoy :)

PhilR at 14:31 on 18 January 2005  Report this post
Courtney,

I really connected with this piece. So much so that it scared me a little. You've done a brilliant job of explaining what can go through a person's mind in the briefest of moments.

Made me feel a bit better about myself.

Thanks,

Phil

Neslihan at 20:50 on 28 September 2005  Report this post
Wow!Five stars!


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .