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by fevvers 

Posted: 25 June 2003
Word Count: 54

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Actually this is a bit of a cheat, but, like most poets, I'm very intersted in the drafting process, so my poem is in the forum section under drafting poems. It's there because it would be difficult to show the drafting process if it was posted in this section. I hope people are interested.

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Comments by other Members

Adam at 15:41 on 05 July 2003  Report this post
April is the cruellest month?

I enjoyed the oppositions in this poem war/peace, brother/sister, love/anger, etc. You have really set them up well, and seamlessly introduced the march, with military overtones.

I would say, however, without opting for something too crass, you should introduce a couple of linguistic signifiers (markers, if you like) to bring out each of the oppositions to the reader. Perhaps a repeated word, or a subtle rhyme, or a particular rhythm. The trap one can fall into with free verse is that it can remain a little monotonous (not in terms of the language, but the structure) and requires signposts to break up and enrich the poem.

I hope you don't find my comments intrusive, because I really enjoyed the poem. It is very well-written, finely balancing the tensions present.


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