|
|
 |
Endless
Posted: 29 December 2004
Word Count: 113
Summary: In response to Fevers exercise.
|
Font Size
|
|
Endless.
I wonder at the endless, endless blue
Extending through this solitary view,
Past safety glass... a vision shatter proof.
I wonder at the endless, endless blue,
And feel the cool breeze whisp my hair anew...
Just fading out the fans electric mew.
I wonder at the endless, endless blue.
I wander back through poppy fields of youth,
And picture myself waiting there for you.
I wonder at the endless, endless blue
That holds you now in heaven's golden hue,
And pray my days on earth are but a few.
I wonder at the endless, endless blue.
Now drifting futher from the life I knew,
So leaving earth bound loved ones... passing through.
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 Mr B. at 10:18 on 30 December 2004
 Report this post
|
This was a beautiful piece which had an air of sad tranquility about it - almost like a eulogy. It reminded me of lying in a field looking up at the sky. By focusing on something so vast (endless blue) you emphasise the fragility of the small (mortality).
Nice one,
Anthony
| |
 joanie at 11:05 on 30 December 2004
Report this post
|
Emma, this is lovely. I have read some of the other responses to the exercise (which I didn't do) but none of them impressed me like this one. This is in no way contrived; the rhymes and repeated line are perfect. The sentiments are so real too. I particularly like
I wonder at the endless, endless blue
That holds you now in heaven's golden hue,
And pray my days on earth are but a few.
Beautfully poignant.
joanie
| |
 youngskywalker at 19:49 on 30 December 2004
Report this post
|
this is a beautiful piece,
every verse has a wonderful image,
it has a touching sense of sad reminiscence with the hope of a reunion,
and i really like the reference to the poppy field,
YSW.
| |
Lawrenco at 02:46 on 04 January 2005
Report this post
|
I liked the way the poem is like a flicker through life as well as the flicker of the fan,it gives it rythmn as well as narrative style possibly changing a little eg.Stanza 1 Flicker instead of Extending ,(thus giving it more of that feel) ;stanza 2"Purr"instead of "mew".Just my thoughts I don`t know what you think .
I did think it did flow well and is a good poem.
Happy New Year and all that.Pat.
| |
gard at 23:59 on 04 January 2005
Report this post
|
Hi Epona
I have not read Fevvers exercise (I shall attempt to this evening) but this is a love piece, lovely scan and rhythm such poignant phrases. Comments would be
What is safty glass? Not sure?
| Just fading out the fans electric mew |
|
I sort of understand this phrase in the context of the previous line?
I wonder at the endless, endless blue
Extending through this solitary view,
Past safety(?) glass... a vision shatter proof. |
|
gorgeous!!!!!
G
| |
fevvers at 17:53 on 07 January 2005
Report this post
|
Hey Emma
I loved the fan's electric mew, like a desperate animal or pet hidden by the wind - I wonder if a breeze (which is very gentle) would cover the sound of a fan - but I liked the way the fan is given a voice, even if it isn't human.
One of the things about this exercise I thought interesting is how we all seemed to lean towards that iambic line and the 'oooo' rhyme. This is how form can make a poem happen in ways you might not expect.
I also liked how 'endless' wasn't just a projection into the futire for the speaker, but a reflection on the past.
How are you thinking of developing this poem?
cheers
<Added>
I think safty glass is safety glass -just a typo isn't it?
| |
TheGodfather at 18:34 on 29 January 2005
Report this post
|
I like this exercise. The line about the 'blue' is so strong. This part I particularly liked
Best regards,
TheGodfather
| |
| |
Comments by other Members
