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Shattered Dreams Fighting Back - Part 1: The Abandonment

by Meena 

Posted: 23 June 2003
Word Count: 766
Summary: Its a story about a young Indian girl who is invited to her friends wedding in England where she meets a young Indian man and falls in love. They marry only to find he did it for his own goals and the girl is abandoned. It is about how she fights back and fulfills her dreams.


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Tears slowly rolled down the sides of my eyes. Hot, wet and burning the skin on my face. Today should have been the happiest day of my life. I lay on the softly covered bed. The bedroom was decorated with garlands of fresh flowers hanging from wall to wall. The smell of the subtle sandalwood from the burning incense by the side table spread all around. A tray full of fruit, nuts and sweetened saffron with cardamom milk was on the other side of the table. This was the way bride and bridegrooms from India would celebrate the first day of marriage. The whole family would have worked hard to make this room look heavenly, welcoming the new bride to the family. But….the bridegroom? He was nowhere, he was gone…my new family downstairs where in shock and could not believe the events leading to such a scenario. Reflection – everybody was reflecting about themselves, the family unit, life and traditions.

My brain tried to focus over the last six weeks. What had changed? Me, Twinkle Gala had become Twinkle Sen after arriving in England. How? Because I dared to believe in dreams, love and friendship. Because I had faith in my culture, traditions and believed in people. But now…now all these beliefs lay shattered around me like pieces from a broken mirror, each piece telling a story of my journey bringing me to this destination of utter hopelessness.

Six weeks before I was a happy, chirpy, contended young woman of 20 years. The eldest of 4 siblings – two brothers and one sister. My parents were well respected in our town and community. My dad was a manager in a bank and my mother a housewife. We were a hard working middle class family, very closely knit. I had freshly graduated with a Business degree in medium English, having started school early in childhood. Early start in education was a norm with most middle class family as the idea was to get graduation as early as possible and embark on a good working career or marriage for girls. This was the lifestyle for most Indian girls in India. We lived in a metropolitan city of Rajkot, Gujarat.

Rajkot, situated in the Saurashtra, a region in the western Indian state of Gujarat. Vibhaji Jadeja and Raju Sandhi had founded the city of Rajkot, in 1610, known as ‘the City of Princes’. This bustling city was once the British Government’s Headquarters. Today, Rajkot, was modern, progressive, industrious, and a beautiful city, a major industrial town. The city had a rich heritage of ancient civilization alongside the modern and freedom struggle in its history. Rajkot, rich in memories of national politics as well as cultural history of India. Mahatma Gandhi had called the city a ‘priceless laboratory for the freedom struggle based on non-violence’ in the last century. Mahatma Gandhi who had spent the early years of his life here when his father was a ‘Diwan’ or Prime Minister to the king of Saurashtra. Mahatma Gandhi is said to have married Kasturba, his wife, in Rajkot, although both were born in another city called Porbandar. In this, the 21st century his philosophy of non-violence may seem to be idiotic, naïve or silly, but Rajkot offers you an insight into the life of this great man who almost single-handedly led a great nation to freedom from the British Empire and shaped India's destiny. Rajkot, was a centre for Gujarati handlooms and handicrafts using colourful beads and mirrors, famous all over the world. The Gujarati dishes, which are known for their sweet and sour taste – the famous city of ‘the thali'. A city, famous for its beautiful sterling silver and gold jewellery. Rajkot, where festivals are celebrated with zests especially Holi, Diwali, Navratri and Dussehra. It is indeed a treat watching or playing the folk dances of Gujarat -the Dandiya Ras and Garabas during Navratri in October-November time are memories to cherish.

Eventually, these flood of memories made me drowsy, tired, leading me to fall asleep. The last thought on my mind was that I was the daughter from the city, which had led to the liberation of a nation, and, I was going to fight my destiny, my shattered dreams. I will be a catalyst for change for many Indian women. I will rise again, I will dream again. How, I will think later….a rhyme came to my mind as I began to drift off to sleep

I will rise
I will fight
To make my shattered dreams right
I will be the light
To make justice be mine










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Comments by other Members



Becca at 01:27 on 08 July 2003  Report this post
Hello Meena. In the 2000 words that you have used did you feel you had told the story you set out to tell? That the Bridegroom has gone and the girl is unhappy is there, but then you take the reader into an altogether different place which consumes most of your words, and that's the bit that starts 'Rajkot...' It may be, and it does sometimes happen, that you have two different stories here, on the other hand it could be the beginning of a novel. You didn't specifically say it was a short story, so.. I'm not sure. I see how the end is tied into the section about the city, and it certainly sounds as if the girl loves the city, but I feel that to make it work as a story, you'd need to be able to get that message of pride and determination across in a couple of sentences. It's a tricky one, because this reads like a slice of something, if you see what I mean. I could be wrong here, but I felt you thought about the nugget of the idea, but perhaps hadn't taken the next step which is to flesh it all out in your mind and to structure the story so that there was action in it. Reminiscence is fine in a story but even then, action is what enlivens it. Does this all make sense to you?

Nell at 07:35 on 08 July 2003  Report this post
Hi Meena,

I love Indian stories written from an authentic viewpoint. The flavour of India comes across beautifully in this too. I felt slightly bemused at the ending, which seemed to arrive all too soon, so read the piece again. All became clear on second reading, but I'm not sure that every reader would take the trouble.

I liked the part beginning 'Rajkot,'and feel that you're within a whisker of achieving what you set out to do with this. Perhaps a slight careful alteration/addition to the conclusion in the last paragraph would clarify her mental resolve for the reader, I'm not quite sure how you could do this, it needs careful thought.

Nevertheless, a good idea, and with lovely possibilities.

Hope this helps, best, Nell.

Ralph at 09:20 on 08 July 2003  Report this post
I love your description of Rajkot - whatever you do don't lose it.
I did find though, like Becca, that I was waiting for more at the end of this - is it something that continues?
Just some questions that I thought were left hanging a little, so you can see where you took me with this:
1)your synopsis made it clear that the husband had betrayed her, but I wasn't sure the story did. I was wondering if he had been kidnapped/disappeared/died suddenly...
2)What are the implications for the narrator now? Was she in love with him? Is his family likely to extend hospitality towards her, or can she now be shunned by them? What are they going to do, and to what extent will this be voluntary?
3) Why did the narrator move to England? Was it specifically to be married? Has she met her husband before?
This piece took my in all kinds of directions really. I'd love to read some more, so please do post it if you add to it, or continue it or anything.
Good luck with it.
Huggs
Ralph


Meena at 15:00 on 08 July 2003  Report this post
Hi Becca, Nell and Ralph

You all have been very encouraging in your comments. I am grateful and thankful for your input. Yes this story has a long way to go. I will be doing part 2 to this work soon. So please look out and comment.

Hope to keep in touch soon.

Best
Meena Vyas

llydstp at 14:31 on 16 July 2003  Report this post
Meena
I found this piece of writing teased me with titbits of information. I wanted the whole thing to be expanded with a lot more detail given.
You have the seed of a good story - please plant it and water it until it flourishes.
Best wishes
Steve


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