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by TheGodfather 

Posted: 14 December 2004
Word Count: 123
Summary: Does the universal theme break through clear enough?

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Indeed, we had told Geoff,
the boldest hamster we knew,
not to burrow that direction
that the stories might be true
that there were endless networks
of claw-carved tunnels dug
by the adventurers of the by-gone ages
and that the labryinth of tunnels
was followed from above by a death ceiling
of a black inpenetrable dirt.
Gophers we knew personally had not returned
from under the black ceiling.
Geoff did not hear us.
He did not heed the warnings
as so many before him had not heard
or heeded.
He said he heard some echo of a calling
as of from Mt. Olympus or God
or Hades
calling him to the tunneled fields
to stake his claim in
the Annuls of the Gopher.

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Comments by other Members

roovacrag at 15:48 on 14 December 2004  Report this post
Goddy.. gophers are amusing creatures and keep you entranced with their antics.

Enjoyed the poem and made me smile as i could see what you saw when you wrote it.

Well done.

xx Alice

gard at 00:10 on 05 January 2005  Report this post
Hallo Godfather

nice work!

is Hampsters meant to be Hamsters?

I think the theme does come through. Your poem seems to be disconnected in its flow. I'm not sure why. I think its because at the begining it rhymes in a nice way with a certain rhythmn but then at the point of:

was followed from above by a death ceiling
of a black inpenetrable dirt.
Gophers we knew personally had not returned
from under the black ceiling.

the whole scanand syllable pattern changes and the language becomes more prose like. This makes the poems tone and idea stutter for me....maybe it was intentional?

but some of the language you use is nice becuase its very clear inits imagery.


gard at 00:11 on 05 January 2005  Report this post
God father

apologies for my typos!


TheGodfather at 08:24 on 05 January 2005  Report this post
Alice & Gard,

Thanks for reading this strange poem of mine. Apparently my title scared or bored many readers away. Gard, I did not mean for any rhyme or rhythm in the poem but rather meant the whole thing as prose.


gard at 16:35 on 06 January 2005  Report this post
Hi Godfather

saw your reply. The title did not have that effect on me( but that I am strange ha ha -kidding reference to your description of your poem).

Thats interesting becuase I said it seemed prose-like. Perhaps the accidental rhyme (lucky you!!)sent me off into the expecting rhyming poem mode so I slipped into that way of thinking/rhythm and so when the rhyme disappeared it confused my little brain.

keep writing!

bjlangley at 15:44 on 17 January 2005  Report this post
Godfather, I saw the title in 'The Random Read' and was intrigued. I'm glad I read it, the thought of the little critters burrowing under the ground on their adventures made me smile.

All the best,


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