Login   Sign Up 



by bluesky3d 

Posted: 21 June 2003
Word Count: 78
Summary: just a silly love song

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Sitting in your white dress
Raffia hat upon your head
Eating cucumber sandwiches
and cheese spread,
Passing chocolate fudge cake
You eating grapes instead

Are these canapés?
Why not call them snacks?
Hope it doesn’t rain
We haven’t packed the plastic macs
But if it does, wont it be fun
That dress will become transparent
And I will see your bum
And won’t you just hate me
If I remark
Good job you didn’t have more fudge cake!

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

olebut at 10:16 on 21 June 2003  Report this post

nice lazy images of a summer day in England however tthe inevitable comments

In the first verse cucumber is a bit of a mouthful (sic) and spoils the rhythm

dont you like salmon?

I also think the second verse needs revamping as the metre and rhtym go almost completely

line 4 take out ' the plastic' and replace with ' or paca macs'

and form then on you lose the rhythm all though it conjures up a great image ( but being a male I would say that). I have recast the last few lines and have tried to keep all of the images and fun you put in the original I am still not totally happy with my offering but have to go out.

excuse me for playing with your poem it is still good fun whatever you decide to do with it

But if it does, I'll see your bum
your dress will be soaked through
then I'm sure you'll hate me
when fun of you I'll make.

Good job you didn’t have a slice of
that sticky chocolate cake!

take care


bluesky3d at 10:21 on 21 June 2003  Report this post
thank you David

I am happy that you joined in the spirit of the occasion with your comments and suggestions for celebrating Mid Summer’s Day today!!

Why don’t we all go and find a big green field and have a picnic and read poems!

A :o)

olebut at 10:55 on 21 June 2003  Report this post

That would be wonderful pleanty of fields and trees around me as I live in God's Wonderful County deep in rural Gloucestershire.



bluesky3d at 11:03 on 21 June 2003  Report this post
Towards the end
I had too much wine!
... and that was the cause
of loosing the metre, the rhythm, and the rhyme…. (hic) …. (not sic)

A :o)

olebut at 11:10 on 21 June 2003  Report this post
but you never mentione d the wine you spoilsport

I am minded to write something in the same vein

suppose you have drunk all the wine now

take care


poemsgalore at 13:25 on 22 June 2003  Report this post
Can I come on this picnic? Only I won't wear a see through dress, I have eaten too much chocolate cake :-) Liked the poem by the way.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .