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Apple tree today
Posted: 05 December 2004
Word Count: 59
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Your fruit still hangs,
clinging onto life and nourishment
long after it should have
fallen to its death, its purpose.
Your staccato fingers dark
against the unseasonal blue
and gold. Where were the winds
to urge you on, encourage you?
You stand majestic, pathetic,
my strong silent sentinel amid
a world of change. Hold on
long to your charges.
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Comments by other Members
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 poemsgalore at 18:33 on 05 December 2004
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A very thoughtful poem Joan, I read it not just as a straight forward tale of a tree, it could represent a person who is still standing against all odds.
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 joanie at 20:25 on 05 December 2004
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Thanks, poems! That was what I intended, I think!
I appreciate your response.
joanie
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lieslj at 04:22 on 06 December 2004
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You bring into view amazing juxtapositions, fresh viewpoints: death as purpose, majestic/pathetic, clinging/falling.
The title's simplicity is interwoven with the poem's content and creates a continuity that serves the work well.
This line jarred a little for me, because I think it overstated, telling, rather than showing, and it contrasts with the rest of the poem is so subtle and allows the reader to form his/her own conclusions:
a world of change for the worse.
Perhaps just end at 'change'?
Inspired and gentle writing, Joanie.
Best
L
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joanie at 07:57 on 06 December 2004
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Thank you very much, Liesl. I agree - I have edited to stop now at 'change' but kept the last sentence.
Thank you for your reponse - mush appreciated.
joanie
<Added>
Sorry - (typo) much!!
I can't laughing that it looked like I appreciated your 'mush'!!
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fireweed at 09:07 on 06 December 2004
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joan, this is a lovely poem - you have captured the paradox of life survivng through winter when everything seems against it. It reminds me of the crab apple tree I have at the front - .
fireweed
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 James Graham at 16:21 on 06 December 2004
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I agree with all the positive comments. The language is beautifully contolled, giving us that sense of a very few words containing a lot of meaning. 'Fallen to its death, its purpose' is an excellent line, with the most telling word 'purpose' seemingly attached as an afterthought. The way you sketch in a visual image of the tree against the sky is beautifully concise, just enough to do the job. The ending (you've made the change Liesl suggested) is especially good, the language as simple as it could possibly be: 'Hold on/long to your charges' - and 'charges' chiming with 'change' is an extra touch of inspiration.
James.
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joanie at 18:51 on 06 December 2004
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James, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I'm pleased that you think there is a "sense of a very few words containing a lot of meaning". I think that this is what I set out to do most of the time.
I really appreciate your response. Many thanks.
joanie
<Added>
I'm not happy with the title though. I'm re-thinking.
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engldolph at 22:04 on 12 December 2004
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Joanie,
Also liked this simple but orginal image you draw here.
there is a sadness and determination juxtaposed here that
lingers.
Enjoyed
Mike
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