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Over the Plateau

by suzy_charlotte 

Posted: 18 June 2003
Word Count: 176


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I feel kind of numb, as if I reached a plateau
And I stand for the sake of my future
I watch with passion as my tension rolls away
And I begin to love and nurture.

Surely I know that my life is a mess
Without letting myself breathe in the light
Its immense and its tiny all at the once
For I think I will Ė hey, I just might.

Walking on through the words and the terrible face
Letting silence become my damp heat
And as I work the wave to come back for my own
It refreshes me to the skin on my feet.

I did reach a place where the daisies are growing
And the movement around me subsides
I walk around my old self till I canít get dizzy
And the fire canít crack my insides.

What a beautiful moment for you and me to be
With our day and our flowers and sun
And I wanted to skip over the plateau
When walking through it was so much more fun.






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Comments by other Members



Richard Brown at 08:32 on 12 September 2003  Report this post
Had to read this a few times to begin to get the sense of it - but that's often the way with me and poetry! I think it was the shift of tenses that threw me ('I did reach a place' and 'I wanted to skip' whereas the rest of the poem is in the present tense) but I assume those are deliberate. I got the sense of unhappiness ameliorated by a new relationship (?) - of hope overcoming despair. I thought the half rhyme of the first verse and the full rhymes of the others work well apart from the very last one. 'Fun' seems a weak-ish word to end what feels like a serious poem. I'd be interested to know if you come up with any alternatives - but you're probably happy with the way it is (and bear in mind, I'm no poet - you probably know best!)

Richard.


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