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Caught In The Crossfire
Posted: 28 November 2004
Word Count: 72
Summary: This has been in my WIP folder for a while. Keep going back to it and can't figure out how to improve it. Suggestions always welcome.
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I had been travelling
for quite some time,
and had reached a point
where I could look back
with calmness.
I couldn’t see the future
because that, you can never see,
so I was suspended where I was.
And the world took on
a very different complexion
call it an epiphany -
what you will -
it was there, nevertheless.
And so here I am,
gladly suspended
in the here and now.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 20:38 on 28 November 2004
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Christina, this really speaks to me. I know SO well what you mean. It takes quite a bit of maturity and wisdom to realise that where we are is often where we should be.
.....and yet, I often find myself desperately longing to be elsewhere!
I wonder if you need a single final line.....something like, "Where my heart is." No, I don't know! I suspect that you have been thinking along the same lines.
I like it as it is. I enjoyed the read.
joanie
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 The Walrus at 12:15 on 29 November 2004
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Thanks Joanie, glad it spoke to you. I know what you mean about wanting to be elsewhere lol, silly isn't it! The basic thrust of the poem (which I think you perfectly understand) is twofold: a) the detrimental impact of carrying PAST negative experiences into present situations/relationships and b) living for some FUTURE thing to happen (job, marriage, kids, whatever) thinking that when one gets there/acquires this thing, happiness is the result. The net result is of course a wholesale failure to enjoy NOW.
Thanks for reading and, as ever, your pertinent comments.
Christina
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Chem at 15:38 on 29 November 2004
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Hi Bob!
Your poem didn't just speak to me but shouted loudly! I hear you.
Great message, fantastically put.
Em
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poemsgalore at 18:23 on 29 November 2004
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I think it's finished as it is, the last verse seems the ideal 'hanging in the air' kind of ending.
And so here I am,
gladly suspended
in the here and now. |
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Don Gorgon at 23:08 on 29 November 2004
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The Walrus, I got the general idea of where you are coming from when I read the poem, I was thinking of 'suspended animation' or someting like that kind of ting. 'I've done this, I'm here now, what next? I'm not bothered.', if you know what I mean? Anyway, I enjoyed it! I enjoyed your comments above too, 'The net result is of course a wholesale failure to enjoy NOW.' - this is bang on, we all should spend more time just 'being'. Nice work.
A REHEARSAL, NO.
MORTAL IS WHAT YOU ARE, SO
LIVE YOUR LIFE AND BE.
Thanks
Don
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The Walrus at 19:52 on 30 November 2004
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I like that - 'suspended animation' - yes I know what you mean and yes, this is the real thing.
Thanks
The Walrus
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laurafraser at 22:02 on 30 November 2004
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walrus, "I had been travelling for quite some time" the weary traveller perhaps but then the poem diverts in a diferent direction, one pacified by an inner hint of a new found equilibrium
i do no think that this needs improving-i get the feeling as if there is an internal battle within the narrator as she debates over her past as she is "suspended" in the "here and now"
you have a fantastic ability to convey a plethora of emotions in very simple sentences-perhaps the reason why you are not sure about this poem is because as is evident there is a mass of thoughts and stories avaliable to the narrator, all of which could splinter out from any of the words you hacve chosen and that is where for me the power of the poem lies-in the unsaid
xlaura
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The Walrus at 20:38 on 01 December 2004
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Laura, thanks, for as ever pertinent comments. Internal battle? No debate. The suspension is 'gladly' so. I think you reasoning about why I'm not sure, is accurate, and not one that I had recognised or acknowledged before. Much unsaid, yes.
Thanks again.
The Walrus
x
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Lawrenco at 00:51 on 04 December 2004
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Words used so well,make a good couplet with your poem penance.-My humble opinion,great piece!Yes to find heavan in a grain os sand .I notice theres is a storey that follows through your poetry following your own yellow brick wall.I didn`t leave some straw on this comment did I,Peace and harmony.
Patrick.
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Ticonderoga at 14:15 on 14 December 2004
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Splendidly economical philosophical meditation. deepens with each new reading.
Best,
Mike
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