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Bang

by Scott 

Posted: 16 June 2003
Word Count: 97


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We are all one, born from one night

Arriving when someone or something decided the time was right

A magnificent explosion ripped and roared and the universe came when called

So from a night, a single night, a massive BIG BANG occurred

The stars formed

So for all its size the universe all started at one point

For all our differences and borders on land, to how we look and where we stand we all come from that night

We are all one and apart of each other

So love yourself, your WHOLE self

Don’t take cover











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Comments by other Members



didau at 14:25 on 17 June 2003  Report this post
There is a shorter, more focused poem in here. If I may be so bold:

We are all born from night

Arriving when something decided the time was right

An explosion ripped and roared

And the universe came when called

So from a night, a single night

The stars formed



sorry, I couldn't resist. I know your poem goes on to say something else, but I just loved the first few lines. i hope you can excuse my impertinence.

david

Scott at 00:34 on 18 June 2003  Report this post
You carry on mate

I think a poem is only any good if the reader takes something away from it and even if it is not the intended message at least the words have had an effect

Cheers


olebut at 08:39 on 18 June 2003  Report this post

Scott


or alternatively which I hope you will also excuse me for I find it a great excercise to try and encapsulate everything you have said in as few words as possible but still produce a poem I leave it to you to decide if I have achieved that

time is right
born from night

explosive roars
formed the stars

universe starts
we are a part

from one point
we all evolved

will our differences
be resolved

we came from above
with perfect lover

so be true to you
dont take cover.

Take Care

David














Scott at 19:52 on 18 June 2003  Report this post
It’s great that you liked the poem so much that you care enough to want to better it. I hope somewhere in the original that the message was the star and not the words but you took it and improved it and put your own design on it, making it even better, very good, I’m glad.

Scott


olebut at 22:02 on 18 June 2003  Report this post
Scott

I tried to keep the original imagery and them of your poem and just played around with it but as to it being an improvement on the original I odubt it

take care

david


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