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Making The Link
Posted: 19 November 2004
Word Count: 48
Summary: Structure/technique/style... whatever inspired by Roovacrag's 'Home Again', and very much a first draft. If anyone can think up a suitable title for this, I would be grateful. Oh, and if it's pants, please say.
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It was really weird
weird that all the places
places I really wanted to go to
to chill, have fun
fun had left
left coincidentally the moment I'd arrived
arrived, expecting something
something more
more than before
before it struck me
me and the place was the commonality.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 20:00 on 19 November 2004
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The Walrus, this is excellent. The repetition dosn't seem at all forced. I really like it, and I wonder if you could leave out the last two lines completely.
I want to try now!
joanie
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 The Walrus at 20:03 on 19 November 2004
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Thanks Joanie, yes I had a number of versions for the last two lines and none seemed to jump out at me. Think you're right though. Will remove.
Thanks again.
Christina
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Okkervil at 21:03 on 19 November 2004
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I agree with the ommision commision of Joanie's, on account of me not quite getting the gist o'that last line.
I liked this. I read it like Martin out of Green Wing, like it was some sort of shocking revelation and each repetition was some sort of mental gathering point, charging through the line and then halting again at the next one. Although that made me giggle, it'd seem to suggest the repetition is a little jarring. If that's what you want then great! If not, thenIspokeoutofturntenthousandapologies.
Bye!
James
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The Walrus at 21:15 on 19 November 2004
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Yes, I think you're probably right James, shocking revelation... mental gathering point... accurate take. Apologies superfluous.
Last two lines: 'Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, it has to bs said.' were something to do with the slow dawn of realisation...
Thanks for commenting!
The Walrus
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joanie at 18:02 on 20 November 2004
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Christina, I have been drawn back to this. I really do like it; I have read it aloud ('acted' it, even) and it's brilliant. I am totally useless at titles but I keep trying to think of a clever one for this.
Until I joined WW I had never, ever thought about putting a title on my poems. You live and learn, eh?!
So that was a waste of time, then! No results on the title front!
I enjoyed the poem again, though!
joanie
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laurafraser at 08:37 on 21 November 2004
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walrus i think this is brillant, 'the commanility" of the lines really resonates which for me also created a sense of urgency-there is a rushed feeling to this poem, a sense of innner urgency that the narrator is fighting with-i really like the subtle power of itand i think the last two lines work for it as they serve as a conclusion, a finale of sorts
great work
xlaura
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The Walrus at 20:12 on 21 November 2004
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Joanie, thanks for coming back to this - will now have to read it aloud myself! Am now trying to dream up a title.
Laura, yes, I think you're right - there is a sense of urgency about it. So glad you enjoyed it.
The Walrus
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Don Gorgon at 23:33 on 21 November 2004
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Just got to this The Walrus and it is top notch. I totally agree with everything that's been said above (apart from I like the last two lines, especially the last line) and when I've read it out aloud the repetition has stood out with great effect, the 'sense of urgency' laura has pointed to, makes me 'over-emphasise' the first word of each line, if you know what I mean. That doesn't explain it very well now I've just read it, hope you understand! Anyway, it is a very nice piece of work, I really enjoyed the structure of it.
Thanks
Don
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The Walrus at 15:18 on 22 November 2004
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Think you have explained it well Don! Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for commenting.
The Walrus
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.JPG) Zettel at 23:03 on 22 November 2004
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Wal
Nice, satisfying rounded piece. Not entirely sure of the last line - not so much the thought which is apposite, just the rhythm of the words.
Zettel
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