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Sonnet: The Race

by Lil Em 

Posted: 18 November 2004
Word Count: 106
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It can be said like shadows in the city of light
Sailing a hostile sea,
A translation of rain and fire.
It is a stylish marriage, I agree; I need more time.
For Destinations not of the heart,
Crushed, suffering from neglect, such a painless journey.

All part of the master plan, you are an artist of
Destruction, what price great art?
What a grave jubilation!What about our slithery friends?
You must have known I donīt like flowers...in a vase.
What a characteristic temperament!
Scorn, even you hda still to follow knowledge.
You look so smug. What have you accomplished?
Tell me, what have you won?






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Comments by other Members



Lil Em at 21:44 on 18 November 2004  Report this post
Hello everyone,
Iīm only a part-time member and I am 18 yrs old. I LOVE writing poetry, incidently, I also love reading it. From the Metaphysicals to the Romantics...I savour every word. Any feedback from fellow writers would be much appreciated.
Enjoy!
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Okkervil at 08:01 on 19 November 2004  Report this post
This is reeeallly good! I mean, hey, if it gets too obtuse then I have to sit for a little bit longer than I have to understand everything (ho-hum). I loved the start of the second stanza- in fact, there lots of brilliant lines.
I shall say no more, cos then I ramble. Welcome to W-w-w-write Words!

Bye!

James
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Carlton at 12:33 on 19 November 2004  Report this post
A pensive subtle piece, well done and welcome to this place. Just one thought, I presume, like myself, your line capitalisation is a product of MSWord, rather than deliberation.
Liked this a lot, hope to see more.
Carlton
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peteskid at 08:37 on 23 July 2012  Report this post
well meter, 10 per line if Italian
Iambic if English or Italian so
we will call this an American sonnet and forget meter.
Flow, this is usually how a piece gets read
one line ends with the preposition "of" which caught my eye.
The middle often signals a change and the end a conclusion
but those are mere choices. I think you make a terrific
effort here, an ambitious reach to bring ideas to the reader.
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