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Surreal Life

by poemsgalore 

Posted: 17 November 2004
Word Count: 289
Summary: Based on a rather strange experience when I was about 12.


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Surreal Life

My sister is out in the garage,
my uncle is out there too.
He’s showing her where the car engine is
and the pipes that the petrol runs through.
She’s wearing my old red coat
with the fluffy white collar and cuffs;
I can hear her asking him all kinds of things
and she won’t take any rebuffs!

Now I'm waiting outside the garage,
floating in mid-air.
As I watched the door, the walls fell away
and it didn't half give me a scare.
The sky is a brilliant blue,
and the clouds are whizzing along;
I can hear in the distance the trains as they pass
and the overhead Crows sing their song.

I already know all the questions,
I know all the answers too.
Inside my head the man and the child
talk as uncles and nieces do.
My fingers are turning black,
and the chill reaches through to my bone;
I can hear my teeth chatter,
just what is the matter.
Don't leave me out here on my own.

Everything's now back to normal,
the sounds in my head have all stopped.
I walk to the garage and feel the brick walls
and discover the door is still locked!
My cheeks have begun to glow red,
to match my sisters coat;
They open the door and let me inside
so I tell them I have a sore throat.

A fever has taken me over,
I'm upstairs and tucked in my bed.
I keep going through the events of the day
and remembering all that was said.
The blind at my window is green,
and it’s keeping out all of the light;
someone is knocking at our front door
and I know everything is alright.






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Comments by other Members



Okkervil at 18:21 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
I like the simple child-reportage style, it's endearing the way everything is presented matter-of-factly. I love the rhyming pattern. It skips along quite jollily.


liked-
'The blind at my window is green,
and it’s keeping out all of the light;
someone is knocking at our front door
and I know everything is alright.'

it's placatingly pleasant.

Bye!

James


roovacrag at 20:08 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
Kathleen agree with James on this.
Can almost hear your teeth chattering.
No doubt you had your arms crossed and stamping your feet to keep warm.

Well done

xx Alice

Zettel at 18:20 on 18 November 2004  Report this post
Poemsgal

After a heavy week - partly down to me - great to have some fun. Love it.

Zettel

poemsgalore at 18:27 on 18 November 2004  Report this post
Hi folks

Hope it was surreal enough for you, it's interesting to read everyone' interpretation of it, and I'm glad you all find it fun - it was meant to be.

The Walrus at 17:39 on 19 November 2004  Report this post
A surreal and vivid memory indeed, eloquently portrayed as always.

The Walrus

lieslj at 05:01 on 20 November 2004  Report this post
This vivid recollection contains a vibrant energy and an interesting story.

For my taste the rhyme limits its potential, even as it reconstructs the experience in an ordered fashion. Perhaps the very erratic and unpredictable nature of a febrile hallucination, and its recollection a long time afterwards, though, might benefit from a structure that allows for more quirks in the telling?

Then again, perhaps I am not a fan of rhyming verse...

Regards
L

engldolph at 18:26 on 28 November 2004  Report this post
Hi Poems

Yes, captured sister jealousy really well .;full of wit and insight.

Some very clever rhymes and rhythms.

I thougt that verse 1 and 3 really captured the being left outside feeling superbly and as a pair of verses, could make a really snappy, succinct poem in their own right.

Enjoyed
Mike



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