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by cleaver_smith 

Posted: 17 November 2004
Word Count: 38

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I used to be a contender, he told me.
But now Im a contenter.
He laughed
as his children played
on the swings
in the car park
to be
outside the pub
that once was
his pulling palace.

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Comments by other Members

The Walrus at 12:41 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
Again, as with your previous poem, the tone and style is very distinctive and for me, really works. I like the way you have conveyed, in few words, the dramatic change in the subject/his life.

The Walrus

joanie at 15:59 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
I like this cleaver. I like the play on words and the alliteration - park, pub, pulling-palace
Deep but simple, conveying a lot.


Okkervil at 17:59 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
Like Walrus said, a strong style. It's short, but you say everything you want to. Uplifting too! In fact, goshdarned lovely.



scottwil at 10:48 on 19 January 2005  Report this post
This came up on my random read. I don't usually comment on poetry but it was short and it made me smile.

The 'a contenter' sort of works, but perhaps you might try: I used to be a contender, he told me.
But now Im contenter.


paul53 [for I am he] at 17:38 on 02 March 2005  Report this post
Found this is the Random Read. Nice little piece. Very evocative.

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