Login   Sign Up 



 

Zero Tolerance

by The Walrus 

Posted: 16 November 2004
Word Count: 137
Summary: Penultimate stanza needs reworking.


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.


It is not enough to say
‘I survived, I stayed the course,
I somehow managed
to stay on the horse’,
(albeit sliding ungainly
around its girth.)

It is not acceptable to play victim
to fear and guilt, regret and worry -
they play a mean game
one, which you can never win.

It is easy to pimp for Ego,
but did you read the small print,
when you signed upon the dotted line?
Were you aware you had instantly become
a fully paid-up member
of The Destruction Club?

Listen up, it is not good enough to lurch
from one crisis to another,
like some prima-fucking-donna.
Save the drama.

And hiding behind money,
mortgage, marriage, kids, job,
‘the shit that happened to me in my past’,
is a blatantly disingenuous.

Wakey wakey. There’s more
important business at hand.











Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Chem at 20:05 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
Oh my word! Indeed to goodness, I completely hear you! You always get it so totally spot on, you have me here exclaiming "that's so damn true!" after every line! Not only do you have it sussed but you manage to convey your message so extremely well and, seemingly, effortlessly in your poetry!

Superb!
Em


The Walrus at 20:17 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
Em, I am delighted this donged a chord with you. Lots of doodlings parading as wannabe poems in the pipeline, but this one, somewhat rudely, started blowing raspberries at me and so I had to concede and write the bugger.

Thanks, as always, for your comment.

Bob


Chem at 20:20 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
You're hilarious!
I'm very glad you heard the raspberry-blowing and allowed this one to sing!

laurafraser at 20:23 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
walrus i like this a lot feels like a return to your older poetry on ww, where i think your strength as a poet lies-gadget queen for me was a good poem but i think was no where near as good as your best(which equates 99.9% of your poetry, all of which sound a unique and strong voice that is a joy to read) perhaps it was the topic that didn't strike a cord with me, i hate technology-styled/themed poems, my grievane no one elses!
the line prima-fucking-donna gives great resonance, especially when followed by the short sharp to the point save the drama. like a mafia boss speaking! short dulcet tones
the imagery of presiding somewhere near the girth of the poem is inspired and brillant-i could go on and on but lastly-the use of wakey wakey-takes the whole poem to another level-it is totally your poem(but of course you wrote it!) in that it makes it playfullly dangerous-there are morals in there and lessons, but it sums up the whole poem as if to say, bugger the excuses and just live! get on with your life!
i think this is one of your best works over he last couple of weeks-please not take in a negative way as not intended, high compliment as really enjoy your work, you manage to transcend many genres-a feat most can only dream of
xlaura

joanie at 21:43 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
I'm reading and re-reading! I like the feel of this - the 'attitude' and the hard-hitting lines.

Good one!

joanie

Elsie at 22:18 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
Walrus, so true - enough excuses, shit happens, we all have to deal with it. "Accept and move on' is something I was told when dumped with baby (eons ago now). Can I just suggest ( a tiny thing) that you could break the stanzas between 'Desruction Club' and "LIsten Up'. And I like the last stanza.

roovacrag at 23:16 on 16 November 2004  Report this post
Red.. not your usual type of poem, more like a ranting here.

Getting things off your chest.
What better way than to put it into a poem.

Only an expert like me who knows you, how your poetry really goes and how good you really are.

I know you have better stuff written, so print it babes.
Go for it.

Love..Red mum
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Walrus at 13:48 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
Thanks guys. Yes Em, it is a great quote - one which has stuck with me for years.

Laura - fair cop - 'Gadget Queen' was not one of my 'best'. I can understand your feelings about the subject matter but it is also not a terribly elegant piece of work. You are right that Zero Tolerance echoes the style in terms of my earlier stuff - thanks for reading btw. Thank you also for your generous comments.

Joanie, glad you enjoyed it.

Elsie, yes, shit does happen, in vast quantities to many people (your experience must have been a tough one) but I do strongly feel one has choice in every situation - as has been said many times before - it's not the circumstances that count - but your response to them. You're definitely right on breaking the stanza - it was originally two - will revert back! thanks.

RM, interesting take. Not sure I really meant this as a rant as such although this issue is a bit of a soapbox for me so I guess yes, I am getting it off my chest lol. Thanks for being honest x

The Walrus



Okkervil at 15:34 on 17 November 2004  Report this post
Wow, brilliant! I guess I discovered it's power when I woke thirty seconds after I started reading apologising profusely to the screen. Powerfully written- well worded and thought out for maximum impact like some sort of Tarantino soliloquy.

'Listen up, it is not good enough to lurch
from one crisis to another,
like some prima-fucking-donna.
Save the drama.'

is cooool and the last lines are excellent. I'm going to go and get a job. Or a UGC season cinema pass, or something- I don't know yet, I'm just so damn motivated.

Bye!

James




The Walrus at 18:28 on 18 November 2004  Report this post
James, so glad you enjoyed it. Your comments had me in stiches! Thanks.

The Walrus

Don Gorgon at 19:32 on 18 November 2004  Report this post
The Walrus, is it just me or have a few of your recent poems been of the ass-kicking flavour? Who or what has upset you? You haven't lost any of your 'gadgets' or broken any or anyting have you?

I really like this, the tone is great and it's full of quality lines and ideas, e.g. pimping fe ego - that's bang on, I love it!

I could see these lines,

'like some prima-fucking-donna.
Save the drama.'

being delivered with the back of your hand! Oh yeh!

Great work The Walrus

Thanks

Don

The Walrus at 20:17 on 18 November 2004  Report this post
Don, no it is not you. I have a penchant for the kick-ass, lyrical whiplash approach to poetry. (Gadgets, thankfully in tact - drama-queen-throwing-toys-out-of-cot scenario would ensue if they were not.) The pimping for Ego line was a fav for me too - glad you liked.

Thanks for your comments. Appreciated.

The Walrus




To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .

 






Other work by The Walrus:      ...view all work by The Walrus