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I`m Bored
Posted: 16 June 2003
Word Count: 101
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'There must be somthing I can do.'
I'm lying on my bed
staring at the wall
I don't feel like going out
I don't feel like staying in
'There must be somthing I can do'
I'm lying on my bed
That mark on the celing looks like a dog
I don't feel like talking
I don't feel like being quiet
'There must be something I can do'
I'm lying on my bed
My thoughts keeping me company
I don't feel like thinking
I don't feel like sleeping
'There must be something I can do
I'm lying on my bed
I'm bored
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Comments by other Members
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 Ellenna at 15:36 on 16 June 2003
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i like this.. your words are like a ball hitting a wall repetitively :)
ellenna
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Adam at 16:42 on 16 June 2003
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Hi!
This poem is very well done. The repetition brings out and even emphasises the sheer tedium of the situation you are describing. Also, the contradictory indecision seems to evoke the boredom of your predicament, as do the verbalised interjections which mark the start of a new cycle of repetition. Excellent; well done!
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 James Graham at 20:17 on 19 June 2003
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...and the solution to the problem of boredom is right there, between the lines. 'There must be something I can do'... write a poem! If most of the poem is 'black and white', the monochrome of boredom, two lines are quite definitely in colour: 'That mark on the ceiling looks like a dog', which could be the start of another poem, and 'My thoughts keeping me company' which could be a signpost to the great escape.
James.
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olebut at 23:33 on 20 June 2003
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Rosalind
the angst of so many especially our teenage years so aptly portrayed in your words and it is just the right length not to brief or long
take care
david
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Glimity at 22:15 on 04 July 2003
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Hi Rosalind
I enjoyed this poem and remember when I used to feel like this as a child, I used to complain to my mum but she'd just reply with a "go and read your books!!"
Anyway, I've got some suggestions - format, tense changes, stanza breaks, consistent punctuation, (also you're missing an "e" in "something" in stanzas 1 & 2) - which I think could tighten your poem, so have just rewritten it as follows....
'There must be something I can do.'
I lie on my bed,
stare at the wall;
don't want to go out,
don't want to stay in.
'There must be something I can do.'
I lie on my bed,
that mark - a dog on the ceiling;
don't want to talk,
don't want to be quiet.
'There must be something I can do.'
I lie on my bed,
keep company with my thoughts;
don't want to think
don't want to sleep.
'There must be something I can do.'
I lie on my bed,
bored.
Hope this is useful.
Oh and just another thought, since your poem tells us at the end why the subject is feeling so contradictory, how about entitling the poem "Contradictions" or something to that effect and leave us to find out at the end why the all the contradictory feelings occur.... just a thought.
regards
Jennifer
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fevvers at 14:47 on 05 July 2003
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Dear Rosalind
Hello. Hope you don't mind my commenting on your poem.
I really liked the relentlessness of the poem, I think the form and language is exactly right for it. Repetition is very hard to do and I think you've touched on something here. It's interesting most people have picked up on the question repetition but, for me, the most loaded repetition is "I'm lying on my bed". Each time you read it the colouration is different - by the end of the poem there is a feeling of a desperate "for crying out loud this is all I'm doing - what the hell is this about!" This change in language (which is one of the reasons we put repetition in poems) is undermined by the final line - we know the speaker is bored, we don't need to be told. Also we know the speaker's thoughts are keeping him/her company - why have you chosen, as a writer, to tell the reader this? Let them do some work. Similarly I don't think the title is doing enough either - It might be interesting to think of something incredibly surreal to set off the banality and constraint of the events in the poem, or to take an image from the poem and run with it.
I have two more suggestions. 1) there are too many I's in the poem, it spoils the pace a little and 2) punctuation is this poems friend, try and use it constructively. Dashes, colons, quotes, exclamation marks and above all full stops will really lift this poem. Punctuation has emotion, you cannot entirely rely on the line breaks to emphasise lines or words. I'm not saying over-punctuate because that works against the poem, but I would say look at where it would help and try it. I don't understand why there are inverted commas around "There must be something I can do" but no question mark. If you are using no punctuation for a philosophical/political reason please then be consistent or dramatically inconsistent, because as it stands it isn't signposting that at all.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Hope you don't mind my jottings
Cheers
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