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 Ellenna at 14:56 on 16 June 2003
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thank you Maria! A snapshot in my head and suddenly there it was on paper ..:)
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olebut at 20:27 on 16 June 2003
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Isn't it strange how soem relationships sem only to be meant for the moment. and these words sum that up so well.
nice poem, thank you for sharing it
David
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Ellenna at 23:01 on 16 June 2003
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I'm glad you liked it David.. I wondered if it would be mis construed as anti men ... she is a woman who knows her own mind i imagine. :)...thank you for commenting
Ellie
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didau at 09:16 on 18 June 2003
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no - not anti men at all - anti bollux perhaps, but that's fine.
I really like the tone of this - it had a great conversational style. some extraneous words perhaps - I think this could be pared down a little and also the puntuation could be tightened, but this are pernickety points. thumbs up.
david
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olebut at 09:25 on 18 June 2003
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It seems to me that you write a poem in the style you wish and punctuate it accordingly
When wilfred Owen first started using half verse his style was criticised by the established poets and critics of the day. he was I believe one of the first to use this style. Although he wrote many poems in full rhyme he did write some moving stuff in half verse.
My point it was the way he chose to write.
Poetry is an individual expression of emotion and views an dunlike prose does not , in my view need to conform to any convention, which is part of its beauty.
take care Ellie
David
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Ellenna at 16:50 on 18 June 2003
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thank you didau for your comments...not sure i really like her character myself..but its nice to step into someone elses shoes. Thank you for making your points.. noted :)
Ellenna
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Ellenna at 16:51 on 18 June 2003
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Olebut thank you for being so supportive to what is really new for me.
Ellenna :)
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didau at 08:49 on 19 June 2003
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I'm sure Wilfred Owen took any constructively meant criticism to heart and then made whatever decisions he made with this additional information in mind.
Sometimes I make a deliberate decision to do a thing and sometimes I do it without thinking. When someone else questions my motivations it forces me to critically evaluate my work and it tends to be better for it.
Whilst it is always nice to receive praise, I get far more benefit when someone takes the time and trouble to probe.
And breathe...
sorry for that Ellena - I only commented because I liked your work - I hope that came across.
david
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Ellenna at 17:00 on 19 June 2003
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Didau... I value all criticisms. I am very new to this and what I do is rather unbridled at the moment.. I am more than happy to hear all criticisms and as you say it will help me... I certainly didnt take what you said as negative in any way. And thank you very much for your praise too :)
Ellie
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bluesky3d at 19:22 on 19 June 2003
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Ellenna ..
I particularly liked the phrases.. ‘I didn’t want to wake his dream’ and ‘for things we had briefly wine tasted’
… for me (and it is only my own interpretation) … the message of the poem is contained in the title…
… the ‘Realisation’.
For the woman, the ‘realisation’ was both her admitting to herself that the relationship was over, but perhaps more importantly, the woman also discovering something quite profound about herself … by losing herself ‘and sat by the window and lost myself’
…she realised that she had the power, the choice, and the will to do something about the relationship and to end it herself!
So she found the strength to end it with this guy, and found the courage that she perhaps previously was unsure she possessed, and even scared to admit she might have.
But having reached that point, taking the final step was simple ...
‘… I simply said… been a nice weekend...’
I know it is open to many other interpretations too – not least, maybe it was just a one night stand! But that is the beauty of poem, and as has been said elsewhere, when the reader can mould the words to their own experience, and understanding, then it takes on a greater universality of appeal.
Great! I hope you do post another one!
Andrew :o)
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poemsgalore at 12:48 on 22 June 2003
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I thought this was great Ellenna, I like the way you put in one verse "the snoringg frame that lay still in my bed" then the next verse "so I crashed the mug down" and "sang songs that we had listened to for hour upon hour". A lovely image, as though she is treating him the way he treated her, thoughtlessly, but done deliberately.
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Ellenna at 13:31 on 22 June 2003
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Andrew and Kathleen thank you for reading it and for your comments.Like yours Kathleen this came to me very quickly and gelled without change..
Ellenna :)
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 Nell at 21:40 on 30 June 2003
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Ellie, your poems really speak to me. And the rhythm is unusual, but there is a rhythm and it seems to work. Great work, keep writing.
Best, Nell.
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Ellenna at 22:24 on 30 June 2003
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Nell, if i touch people somewhere with my poems it really makes me happy.. and with regard to your posting :) I don't know if i am the Ellie in your novel..i should like to find out :)
Ellie
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