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Wish you were here

by Carlton 

Posted: 12 November 2004
Word Count: 49
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I remember a view
a golden hue
of radiance and warmth.

The golden hair and thoughtful brow,
a smile so light and true,
seductive eyes glimmering
inviting pools of blue.

Such delicate envisionment
so precious, to me so new,
dances on my memory,
this picture postcard that is you.






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Comments by other Members



PaulAnthony at 10:02 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Very good, liked it.
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Account Closed at 11:07 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Love the sense of light and harmony which floods this piece, and the use of rhyme adds to this too. I'd be tempted to divide it into 3 stanzas of 3, 4 and 4 lines, to give it some space to breathe. And I don't think "new;" is right - shouldn't it just be "new," for a lesser pause?

LoL

A
xxx
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Carlton at 11:46 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Thanks HollyB, you are right again. I can see I shall have to get my work pre screened by you; I've sent this one to her already!:-)
Carlton
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roovacrag at 15:41 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Carlton a good piece. Love is the sweetest thing and nothing should stop it flowing.

I am a sucker for lovers.

Well done.

xx Alice
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Carlton at 15:55 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Thanks Alice, I hope you found it too.
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roovacrag at 15:58 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Carlton.. I did 43 years ago and never stopped loving him.
xx Alice
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The Walrus at 18:25 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
A beautiful vision caught in the mind's eye and translated into words.

The Walrus
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radavies1uk at 17:40 on 05 May 2006  Report this post
Hey Carlton

I like this like a captured memory :)

I'm not too sure about ending the second verse on 'blue' the whole first verse is so warm and glowing, but the second is cold and a little distant by comparison.

Cheers
Bob
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