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Guilt
Posted: 11 November 2004
Word Count: 65
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Guilt
Guilt shows in your eyes
as they skim the room,
pick me up briefly
then drop me again
as though I wasn’t there.
Squash those feelings that bubble up
whenever you see me.
You're married
and I shouldn’t inhabit your heart.
But I do -
for guilt shows in your eyes
as they skim the room,
pick me up briefly
then drop me again.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 18:22 on 11 November 2004
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Poems, I love the repetition, especially as they skim the room,
pick me up briefly
then drop me again. Just right; a perfect image.
I like the personal feel to this - the writer is speaking very specifically and directly but we can feel part of it.
I like it very much.
joanie
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 roovacrag at 21:32 on 11 November 2004
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Kathleen, very good poem. Agree with Joan. Hey never feel guilty.
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH.
Last two lines said it all.
Wish I could ease your pain.
Pity we can't all share it.
xxxxxxxxxxx Alicejoy
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Okkervil at 10:34 on 12 November 2004
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Very moving with very effective use of repetition and the tragic acceptance and inevitability of 'then drop me again' is just heart breaking. There's no remonstration, or even anger, just tired resignation.
Thanks for sharing!
James
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The Walrus at 18:23 on 12 November 2004
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I like this, eyes reveal so much and particularly eyes that dart around and cannot hold their subject for too long. I found this a very accurate and vivid portrayal.
The Walrus
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Ticonderoga at 09:18 on 13 November 2004
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Ouch! Horribly familiar; a very poignant ache to this, conveyed with great delicacy.
Best,
Mike
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Souchong at 13:43 on 13 November 2004
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wow, poems. powerful stuff. seems to capture a moment. beautifully expressed. beautifully constructed. a poem that doesn't seem to be trying. deceptively simple.
as others have said, the repetition is very effective. haunting.
souchong
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poemsgalore at 17:10 on 13 November 2004
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Thank you for your comments, I never know what to say when readers have given me such nice feedback, thank you doesn't seem enough. But I'm glad you all liked this. Not from personal experience, just observation of other people.
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miffle at 12:21 on 14 November 2004
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Really enjoyed this poem Kathleen especially the 'picking up' and the 'dropping' lines - both with other connotations too. Enjoyed the lift and fall rhythms too: very apt to echo the adventures of the heart. 'drop me down again' last line? Look forward to more, kind regards, nikki :-)
<Added>
will you get this one published?
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poemsgalore at 12:29 on 14 November 2004
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Many thanks Nikki, I consider them to be published when they appear on here, as people are reading them. Difficult to get poems accepted I find, unfortunately. Unless they are of the hearts and flowers kind that you read in greetings cards. Not that I'm criticising those kinds of poems, I can't seem to write that way.
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miffle at 12:42 on 14 November 2004
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Kathleen, you could try Aesthetica, Brittle Star, Smiths Knoll perhaps (?). You can explore back issues of magazines on the Poetry Library site... Personally I think it's often a case of finding a magazine that you i) like and ii) think your work would suit... There are lots of them to choose from and definitely a wide variety of styles. All the best, nikki :-)
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fireweed at 16:00 on 15 November 2004
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Kathleen, this is a sensitive poem - the repetition reflecting the pain and frustration. Well done - you suggest quite a lot about the situation in an economical way.
fireweed
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