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Drip me honey from your lovely mouth

by Souchong 

Posted: 08 November 2004
Word Count: 51
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Drip me honey from your lovely mouth

not stings and bramble-thorns to snag me, trip me,
when I am not looking.
Let the warmth of polished wood, scented with lavender,
love me into belonging here,
and laughter, mixed with incense, be the voice which draws me in
to your altar kiss.






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 11:51 on 09 November 2004  Report this post
Souchong, this is beautiful. I love the whole thing and I am going to keep returning and reading aloud. No time to say more at the moment.
Lovely.

joanie
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laurafraser at 13:48 on 09 November 2004  Report this post
highly sensual and great opening line"drip me honey from your lovely mouth"-though when reading it aloud i think would sound more sophisticated/urgent without the "lovely" it seems like an out of place adjective in the whole context of the poem-no doubt the narrator thinks the mmouth is 'lovely' but i think the rest of the poem goes beyound that..
but irrelevant of that reallly powerful evocative poem with some great lines that linger with you well after reading-brillant!
xlaura

<Added>

thinking again-in replacement of lovely and a two syllable word to maintain the melody of it etc perhaps 'distant' or a word that compliment the imagery you are creating-even "drip me honey from your plump red mouth" -not suggesting you use these but trying to show example that maybe there are lots of other words/word combinations stronger than the aforementioned 'lovely!" have no idea why i seem so keen on pushing home my point-no doubt something to do with very little desire to focus on my own work...-so please don't take offense at my suggestions!
xlaura
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Ticonderoga at 15:26 on 10 November 2004  Report this post
This is extremely beautiful; brimful of sensory impressions and luscious imagery. Keep scribbling!

Best,

Mike
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Souchong at 11:23 on 11 November 2004  Report this post
thanks for comments. time and trouble much appreciated.
thanks for your suggestions laura. 'lovely' fits the poem in its original context, as it carries an ironic reference to 'love'. the poem is intended to be read on two levels - the human and the spiritual.
cheers
souchong
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The Walrus at 12:49 on 11 November 2004  Report this post
I should imagine that in the face of such a wonderfully sensuous lyrical overture, it would be hard to resist.

Very enjoyable piece.

The Walrus
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Jim Barrel at 01:07 on 27 August 2005  Report this post
Can I get your number?
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