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For women only

by joanie 

Posted: 04 November 2004
Word Count: 107
Summary: No apologies - if you don't understand it, you're lucky!


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A relaxing ante-natal,
building up a nice rapport
with the sympathetic midwife
who pretends to know the score.

The fact she has no children
needn't scare you anymore
but, inevitably, soon the talk
will turn to 'pelvic floor'.

When your days are filled with nappies,
late-night feeds and nothing more,
spare a thought for little muscles
in a place you can't ignore.

Later on in life you'll find
yourself with coughing fits galore
or you'll take up step aerobics,
maybe jogging on the shore

and be grateful that your muscles
are as solid as before,
because, trust me, you will need them
when you're nearly fifty four!







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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 16:39 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
Oh yes, I know exactly where this one is coming from! In France, you get 10 sessions with a physio, post natal - it's just finding the time to do them...
Elspeth

roger at 17:06 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
Well I’m sorry, Joanie, but when I see a title like that, I just HAVE to have a look see. And I’m delighted I did. This was the funniest thing I’ve read for ages (Christ, I hope it’s supposed to be funny) and I wet myself at the last verse. I’d better start work on those pelvic floor exercises, it was highly embarrassing!

Lovely. Absolutely lovely.


joanie at 17:10 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
roger, I laughed too! Thank you very much - glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you Elspeth. I think France is much better than Britain for things like that. (being serious for a moment)

joanie

Chem at 17:32 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
Joanie

I don't have children yet and as I've got older, and increasingly closer to the time when that kind of behaviour is expected, I'm not actually too certain anymore :-) Think I might move to France and have my babies there :-)

I really enjoyed this piece. With the subject you've chosen it could have had a bitter tone but you've escaped that and injected it with humour instead. A great read.

Em


poemsgalore at 18:15 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
oh Joanie, Joanie, I didn't listen and now I know it was wrong. If only you'd been around years ago to warn me. A brilliant, funny poem - but very true and don't I know it!

roovacrag at 19:56 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
Joan a great poem here and so well thought out. I know exactly what your saying as will every other mum.
Funny how before the baby is born,we all think they are going to be footballers or do aerobics As they start at 2am just when you have got to sleep.

Funny poem and one I love.

Well done.

xx Alice

joanie at 19:58 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
Many thanks ladies! poems, I didn't listen either! Glad you all liked it.

joanie

Okkervil at 21:24 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
I read it! Aha! I'm not sure I understand it entirely, but I am alittle below average in IQ and lateral thinking-ness. 'So why comment?' I hear you ask. Well: I liked it. It was happy, it was written delightfully- fun to read if it was a little over the horizon for me- and, well, I just feel amiable towards it. Well done mums, I say.

Sorry if that's not helpful though.

Bye!

James

joanie at 21:58 on 04 November 2004  Report this post
I'm glad you did read it, James. It's extremely helpful! ... Your comment was beautiful. Don't worry that you don't understand it - you're better not knowing!

Thanks.

joanie

<Added>

You never know, in years to come, you might find yourself thinking, "Hey, I'm sure I once read a poem about pelvic floor muscles!"

Ticonderoga at 14:54 on 06 November 2004  Report this post
No first hand experince myself, of course, but meaning received and understood, clearly and wittily!

Best,

Mike

joanie at 20:10 on 06 November 2004  Report this post
Thanks, Mike!

joanie

Don Gorgon at 21:27 on 08 November 2004  Report this post
joanie, this made me chuckle. I'm so glad I'm a bloke!

I know all about the old pelvic floor muscles, me Mum's going through it now and I work in an office full of menopausal women who are way too open with their conversation about women's tings! I might even direct them in the direction of this page tomorrow at work, if that's ok?

Nice one

Don

joanie at 21:49 on 08 November 2004  Report this post
Thanks, Don! Check out my 'Women's Things' too; they might like that one.

joanie

lieslj at 05:04 on 13 November 2004  Report this post
Oh ho, ho hum. Don't I know this routine too?

What I particular enjoyed about this poem was the way you used rhyme in service of the poetry. I am always a bit jittery when faced with rhyming poetry, because it tends to feel contrived. However, the light hearted nature of the content of this poem and the easy flow you create have reminded me that is a time and place for rhyming poetry. This is a fine example of it.

LKJ

joanie at 14:16 on 13 November 2004  Report this post
Thank you, Liesl. I have to say that I love rhyme, but I totally agree that it mustn't be contrived. I do hope that my rhymes seem to be natural.

'This is a fine example of it.' is a fantastic compliment. Thank you.

joanie

Shika at 07:06 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
Hi again,

Yes, been there. I am still laughing as I write this. I think you should send it to a maternity unit near you, and yes they are much better at these things in France. Nice one.S

joanie at 08:38 on 31 October 2005  Report this post
Thanks again, Shika!

joanie


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