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by sowelu 

Posted: 26 October 2004
Word Count: 440

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Poisoning my mind is how I cope, it's all I ever do.
I don't know why, but I seem to mean nothing to you.
All I know is I'm not here to say what I want to say.
All I'm yearning for,is for someone to hear my voice.
But that's all forgotten now and I don't have any choice.
So called recollections of how I used to be.
All I know is there's this yearning need in me.
Chosen dreams have drifted away, I can't see my future now.
I don't know if I'm here anymore. When was I ever here at all?

There you go again, why can't you hear what I'm trying to say?
I'm trying to tell you something, but it doesn't matter to you today.
Special moments are no longer mine, to enjoy the time I've had.
I no longer want to speak to you, all I do is feel sad.
You seem to think you know it all, but how can you understand?
All I wanted was a face, to show the world I was there.
But no one seems to remember me, nobody seems to care.
Beguiling always haunted me, with the voice I never had.
I can feel you with me, even though we can't see each other.
Who are you to me? You're not my child,you're not my Father or my Mother.

Assemble all the evidence you will never find the truth.
I remember a time when I was a youth.
They came to take away the things I loved.
I no longer see the things I should of done.
Who knows what I was supposed to see.
I remember a day when everyting seemed so wonderful, how wrong could I be?
All people do is take things I love away from me.
How happy childhood memories were, how welcome was our fire.
A spoken voice that had no choice, how would it all transpire?
The silences have haunted me, through the days and through the night.
And everything I wanted to do just never turned out right.

O God why are you trying to do this? Why do you persevere?
I can't seem to allow myself the freedom to disappear .
All you do is anger me, why can't you stop this misery?
Can't you understand, none of this is how I ever wanted it to be.
Eventually you'll give up, when you can never understand.
How I came to be where I am, not so brilliant, not so grand.
Useless points of existence fill up my soulless room.
A way forward to a better time, away, but away from whom?

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Comments by other Members

The Walrus at 17:39 on 26 October 2004  Report this post
A piece that flows naturally almost like a stream of unconscious. It is also and eloquent and raw articulation of pain, longing and frustration, the tone very bitter. The answer to your question can only be you.

Heart-rending but captivating read.

The Walrus

Souchong at 20:46 on 26 October 2004  Report this post
there is a lot of loss in this, suzanne. sadness, frustration, bitterness. though in part aimed at external things but also turning inwards. the first line - 'poisoning my mind' seems to set the tone for the whole piece. as the walrus said, very raw.


laurafraser at 21:00 on 26 October 2004  Report this post
'souless room"-wonderful image
this poem is very poignant, desperatly sad and there is an innocence about it even though the narrator seems to be older, a sense of never having being in control
there is a powerful simplicity to the words that adds to the sense of loss
it makes you want to say "i'm sorry" and blow the pain away-useless words, suffice to say the depiction of utter wretchness is very real

Mooncat at 16:59 on 28 October 2004  Report this post
A strong piece which made me want to read on.

So many have probably felt like this at some point in their life, and I think this poem captures all the emotions and thoughts running through that sense of desperation and hopelessness.

Best wishes


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