|
|
 |
Terzanelle: Capture
Posted: 23 October 2004
Word Count: 151
Summary: Finally, my terzanelle. Traumatic but very satisfying!
|
Font Size
|
|
I always knew that you would win my heart,
although I never gave the game away;
my plans were put in place right from the start.
I couldn't underestimate the way
in which I drew you right into my snare.
I never really gave the game away.
You talked about my face, my voice, my hair;
you whispered sweetest nothings in my neck.
I drew you right into my snare.
I kept my deepest feelings close in check;
you thought I was aloof and unconcerned.
You whispered sweetest nothings in my neck.
Your every step, each corner which you turned,
I engineered them all to win my goal.
You thought I was aloof and unconcerned.
I needed all your love to make me whole;
I always knew that I would win your heart;
I engineered it all to win my goal;
my plans were put in place right from the start.
|
Comments by other Members
| |
 roovacrag at 21:26 on 23 October 2004
 Report this post
|
Joan....A love is passionate and so real.
Never stops,only when you suspend it,then you regret if it passes by.
Last stanza said it all.
Loved it.
xxxxxx Alice
| |
Chem at 11:48 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
joanie
It was certainly worth the wait. Well done, this is fantastic and I enjoyed it very much!
Em
| |
poemsgalore at 17:03 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Really well worked out Joanie, sadly I don't have the patience to sit and work such things out, but the result is definitely well worth it.
| |
fireweed at 17:05 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
joanie, I'm full of admiration for you - I haven't yet found the inspiration or the time to write a terzanelle partly because I know how demanding this kind of form can be. I once wrote a villanelle which I was far from happy with and it took ages.
I think your poem works really well. I can almost imagine it being sung - it has a lyrical quality about it -a blues style. The repeated lines and the rhymes seem so natural. The ending is very moving and explains the desperation motivating the snares.
fireweed
| |
 joanie at 17:29 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Thank you ladies! I have to admit that I love doing this sort of thing - but you do have to think it through; you can't really write from the heart and just let it flow! There is room for both, I think.
Glad you thought it worked.
joanie
| |
 Nell at 19:27 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Joanie, incredibly well done! I enjoyed this immensely, and in spite of the calculating nature of the narrator I liked her too - by using the the first line ...I always knew that you would win my heart... and ...I needed all your love to make me whole... you've revealed her vulnerable side - without those the poem could almost have been sinister.
I began to use a failed villanelle for my terzanelle, and that certainly made it easier than starting from scratch - the only trouble is that now I have a failed terzanelle! I'll get there in the end.
Nell.
| |
joanie at 19:54 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Nell, of course you will get there! I look forward to it.
Thank you for reading, commenting and understanding exactly what I wanted to convey.
Much appreciated, as always.
joanie
| |
Don Gorgon at 20:20 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Joanie, like fireweed, I'm full of admiration for your dedication to experimenting with 'new' and different styles of poetry. Almost everytime I read one of your poems it is in a different style to the last one and it is so refreshing! I now look forward to seeing your works and thinking, 'What style will it be this time?', although I must admit the 'theory' and 'technicalities' of poetry is wasted on a pleb like me!
I enjoyed this poem, what stood out for me was the passion and the execution of the 'feminine wiles' to achieve the goal! Great work, again!
Don
| |
joanie at 20:38 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Thank you, Don! Glad you like what I try to do.
Sometimes I wish I had a 'style'! I do like experimenting with form, and I do love rhyme and rhythm. What a fantastic thought that someone looks forward to seeing my works!!
I think my next one might be different again!
Thank you again. Much appreciated.
joanie
| |
 Elsie at 21:24 on 24 October 2004
Report this post
|
Joanie, well done - I know how tricky it is (now! thanks to this group) Your character seems scheming, but then I guess we all play games to get what we want. But then you do show her (I'm assuming her) neediness too.
| |
|
|
The Walrus at 18:30 on 25 October 2004
Report this post
|
Slowly slowly catch your monkey....! Love the lure of this poem! Particularly liked: You whispered sweetest nothings in my neck and the repetition of this line.
Very enjoyable read, as always Joanie.
Christina
| |
|
|
| |
Comments by other Members
