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Eyes Like Stone
Posted: 20 October 2004
Word Count: 81
Summary: Something a little more serious - but there will be more mini words soon.
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Eyes Like Stone
With eyes like stone,
you twist my heart
into a thousand knots
and hide your love.
With eyes like stone,
You search my soul
with a million cuts
and break my spirit.
With eyes like stone,
you take my strength
to leave me weak
and full of pain.
With eyes like stone,
I watch you sleep
look in your head
and see your mind.
With eyes like stone,
I walk away
towards the sun
and leave your darkness.
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Comments by other Members
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 Chem at 18:28 on 20 October 2004
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Poems!
Wow this is powerful.
The repetition of 'With eyes like stone' at the beginning of each stanza compounds the sense of serious, bleak and unreceptive.
Your theme of mind, heart, spirit and soul throughout conveys just how deeply you (the narrator) is being affected by these eyes of stone.
This poem conjured such a sense of hurt, pain and loss for the narrator that I felt so glad at the end that 'I walk away/towards the sun/and leave your darkness.' I was really pleased you'd ended it this way and said a little 'yay' out loud to myself!
A great poem crammed full of emotion in so few words.
Em
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 Elsie at 18:39 on 20 October 2004
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Lovely precision. I agree, I was glad you saw the light!
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Fearless at 19:44 on 20 October 2004
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Simply excellent. For some reason, it reminds me of the dramatic speeches given by the femme fatale of many of Almodovar's early films.
Write on, Fearless
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Okkervil at 16:22 on 21 October 2004
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My mouse skipped and I ended up reading the last stanza first. Thus I was braced for a cold-blooded murder of passion sort of thing like a lady in an episode of Columbo I've just seen. Anyway. As opposed to being an awkward and visceral blood bath, it was... not- depending on how literal the looking in his head bit was. I liked it- it seems so down and sorry, and almost a little too theatrical- me thinketh she protesteth sort of thing- especially when hammered in with the (effective) repetition. But then of course, it ends. With hopefulness. Which is always lovely! So, thanks!
James
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The Walrus at 18:21 on 21 October 2004
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Very much like the image of walking towards the sun. I like the idea of eyes being stones - if there is no feeling there this exactly what they represent - inertia/hardness/coldness.
Good one.
The Walrus
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poemsgalore at 18:34 on 21 October 2004
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Thank you, glad you liked it. Chem, glad the repetition had that effect on you, that was the reason for it. Walrus, that's exactly the idea I was trying to convey. Hard and unemotional. Zettel - high praise indeed, hope I never let you down.
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Don Gorgon at 17:12 on 22 October 2004
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Nice one, another good read poemsgalore. It told a good story and was written simply, but beautifully, so full of feeling, brilliant! Thanks!
Don
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 joanie at 21:45 on 23 October 2004
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Poems, this is excellent. Great to read aloud. I love the form of it - the repetition and the progression.
joanie
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Comments by other Members
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Zettel
