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Looking For Love

by Starlight_Heart 

Posted: 16 October 2004
Word Count: 137
Summary: What Does A Single Person Do When The Person They Love Does Not Love Them?
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Looking For Love

1.
I looked towards his eyes
Searching for a sign
That maybe for once in my life
This was my time
The heavens was open above
Birds serenading the two lovers
But yet he showed no sign

2.
I looked towards his eyes
Wanting to believe he felt about me
What I felt about him
But as the darkness slowly surrounded me
The heavens closed its doors and
Birds emitted shrieks of pain
And my heart crashed with an almighty thunder
To the floor

3.
I looked towards his eyes
Realising my time had disappeared
I faded away and another pretty girl was in my place
He did all the things he did to me
It has been a long time
Since that fatal moment and
Yet my heart cannot
Will not love again






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Comments by other Members



roovacrag at 22:03 on 16 October 2004  Report this post
Starlight..
Three stanza here, great pieces but I will get back on this.
I cannot put the feeling into this piece.
Will get back to you after I have read through it again.

xx ALICE
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The Walrus at 22:36 on 16 October 2004  Report this post
A seriously well crafted poem. Execution, perfect. The crystalisation of unrequited love... you have captured amazingly well.

Birds emitted shrieks of pain
And my heart crashed with an almighty thunder
To the floor

Brilliant.

The Walrus

<Added>

PS Hearts have remarkable powers of recovery, 'Venus remains loyal to those with lion hearts.'
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roovacrag at 12:31 on 17 October 2004  Report this post
Starlight...pondered on this .


You are in love.

You fell in love with someone who might have hinted he loved you.
Trial of error,trial of love,who wins?
Heaven never closes its door on love,only if they think it has failed. Perhaps never started.

Men are fickle and will move on when they have thier fill of the last lover.

Best to move on and take heed of a past mistake.
Make sure it never happens again.

xxxx Alice
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shotgun45 at 19:36 on 19 August 2005  Report this post
A lovely heartfelt poem, on a subject all too familiar to me at this time. If it's any consolation, it happens to guys as well as girls. In fact, it happened to me today, which is why this appearing on the 'random read' seems funny.

No one should put you down for being honest with your feelings. In fact, we should be commending you in having the bravery and craft to put those feelings into a beautiful poem.

All my best wishes,
Ian.
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jadeddreamer at 10:45 on 19 September 2006  Report this post
Lovely. I know how hard it is to put those feelings into words, especially in a structured form and must say you have done an excellent job. My only suggestion is the last line mayb etwo they end a tad abrupt..but then again that may be intentional. If not maybe something like

Yet my heart cannot
Believe in love again
for an easier flow or just seperate
the cannot
will not

parts to add emphasis. I realize it ruins form but it adds to the piece. It might be worth it.
Again take this as a grain of salt. My own work seldom flows properly, I think its more important to convey your meaning and truly have done that.
Keep it up!

~Brooke
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