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SOLAR LOVE
Posted: 16 October 2004
Word Count: 58
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Let me kiss your lips with sunshine
place diamonds on your eyes
sprinkle, sparkle to your vision
see to your surprise.
Dance on clouds,glide the sky
with Mercury and Mars,
feel that Venus passed on by
hoping you was hers.
Light our solar system
passion flowing through,
like, lining a planet,
moving a universe
just for for you.
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Comments by other Members
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 joanie at 18:38 on 16 October 2004
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Alice, a galaxy of delight! I love the first verse and the last two lines, especially.
Joan
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 poemsgalore at 19:02 on 16 October 2004
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Alice, you have excelled yourself (again) especially with the first line:
| Let me kiss your lips with sunshine |
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It hooks you right at the start and makes you want to read on.
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roovacrag at 19:07 on 16 October 2004
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Joan,Poems, did not expect a response like this.
Was juggling between 2 things here.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx Alice
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The Walrus at 22:31 on 16 October 2004
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A stonkingly massive poem in terms of scale, depth and verve. There is an unadulterated purity and lack of inhibition which I love.
Roovacrag strikes again!
Red
xx
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Epona Love at 22:57 on 16 October 2004
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Very passionate... dreamily romantic, and a beautifuly worded vision of love... moving a universe just for you... agree with the others, a delight to read.
Emma x.
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roovacrag at 12:17 on 17 October 2004
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Epona, when it comes to love I just ooze with it.
Just want all you young things to have the passion,the love affair that love brings.
xx Alice
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Chem at 20:04 on 17 October 2004
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Wow Alice! Some amazingly good poems pop into your head don't they!
I really enjoyed this entire poem, the first stanza being my favourite. I really like the idea of kissing 'lips with sunshine/diamonds on your eyes' and the sparkle vision / see surprise.
I can feel the love and the depth of that love burst forth from this poem.
Em
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roovacrag at 20:19 on 18 October 2004
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Chem..when it comes to love,I can teach you how you please a man.
You have to love the man for a start,and he love you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Alicejoy
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Mooncat at 17:00 on 19 October 2004
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Alice,
This is fantastic - I loved 'place diamonds on your eyes' and 'dance on clouds, glide the sky'.
Best wishes,
Marie
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Lawrenco at 23:16 on 19 October 2004
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Theres really a lot of vibrance here,spontunity sometimes comes with gift asit did with this gem.
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TheGodfather at 15:12 on 21 October 2004
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Alice,
I like the idea of space love, of cosmic connection. The idea works. "like, lining a planet," that line feels like it needs more syllables. The rhythm gets halted slightly by the shortness of that line. It's a good line, just short, like a speedbump in the reading. A couple other fixes...
"Murcury" --> Mercury
"you was hers" --> you were hers
"for for" --> for
An absolutely fabulous first line..."Let me kiss your lips with sunshine". Looking forward to the next work you bleed on paper.
TheGodfather
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 Lizk8 at 13:00 on 03 December 2004
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Lovely poem but you spelt "Murcury" wrong. It should be Mercury.
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roovacrag at 14:04 on 03 December 2004
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Lizk8. Thanks for comments on an old poem. Thank you also for my spelling mistake.
Altered it.
Lousy at spelling thats why my dictionary is in tatters.
Will have to drop hints I need a new one.
xxxxxx Alice
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