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by optiplex 

Posted: 11 October 2004
Word Count: 169

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I walk into the house,
Closing the door behind me,
Closing my freedom behind me.

I am quiet - I want no one to wake,
She is sitting there
Silently on the stair

'Hello' I say, silent praying
Wanting for no hurt or slagging
Silence and solitude I crave

She erupts into me
I feel like dropping to the ground
As though hit by a million rounds

I feel small, hurt with no self esteem
Unloved, unwanted and undesired
I crave for the day again, of her loving touch

Into the early morning we go,
Attack after attack on my senses and mind
My eyelids heavy with tears and unhappiness

Eventually it stops, no more questions
I feel stupid, numb and out of place
Silently she walks upstairs, and answers to sleep

I crawl into bed
The warmth wraps itself around me
Gently and silently pulling me in
Snugness, warmness and my dreams of content ness

Cosyness, solitude a place of my own
Dreams start kicking in
Freedom again

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Comments by other Members

Fearless at 14:10 on 11 October 2004  Report this post

A naked, honest poem that spoke to me and conjured some old memories.

Write on, Fearless

Shadowgirl at 14:54 on 11 October 2004  Report this post
Once again you astound me with your ability to put emotions into words. The pain in this was acute, fear of what could be (an even greater fear of things staying the same) and the build up of anxiety made me a little anxious too. What a wonderful safe haven a bed can be - I felt as if the narrator wanted to pull the covers over his head and stay there till all the fear and pain had gone away.

When you write so from the heart, you will touch the heart of other's too.

Congratulations on this piece and the raw emotions it made me feel too. I hope it is helping you.


roger at 07:33 on 12 October 2004  Report this post
Hi Opti,

As an expression of despair and desolation, as an expose of emotion at its most raw, this is an incredible poem; one that could only have been written by someone who’s been there. I hope that you’re not still there, or that if you are, you soon won’t be.

optiplex at 08:06 on 12 October 2004  Report this post
Guys - Once again, thank you for you comments - far to nice!

joanie at 16:54 on 12 October 2004  Report this post
optiplex, I like the opening stanza, when we usually expect the closing door to mean the start of security and freedom, not the end. This is filled with very real emotion, which is conveyed in a matter-of-fact way, making it all the more effective.


Souchong at 19:23 on 12 October 2004  Report this post
raw stuff, opti. the hurt slams thru it. hurts to read it. souchong

Don Gorgon at 19:43 on 12 October 2004  Report this post
Optiplex, this brings a whole new meaning to the saying, 'there's no place like home'. I've said it before, but this kind of work disturbs me, in that I can't help thinking what you must have been feeling in order to write this and it makes me feel quite sad!

It is a beautiful piece of writing though, thoroughly enjoyed it!

Nice one


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