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Un (now should be called Feel)

by optiplex 

Posted: 05 October 2004
Word Count: 59
Summary: Feelings today

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Un - sure

Un - satisfied

Un - fulfilled

Un - wanted

Un - loved

* * * Some changes in this, which flow... * * * Someone's kind words said that this poem should change... and it has...

Feel - sure

Feel - satisfied

Feel - fulfilled

Feel - wanted

Feel - loved

Feel - ALIVE!

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Comments by other Members

PeterOC at 10:12 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
It's very sad. And it has an immense impact because it is short.

I hope that tomorrow you can delete the uns.


optiplex at 12:02 on 05 October 2004  Report this post

Many thanks for you're response...

I guess i have felt the "uns" for some time (maybe not all at the same time)... hopefully they will fade away over time...

I will let you know!

miffle at 14:19 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Optiplex, found the use of hyphens here interesting because as I look at the shape of the poem it almost reads to me as two separate ones. The 'un' poem in a left-hand column and the more positive poem in the right-hand column (if that makes any sense?) A gentle wind would I think blow all those dangling 'uns' away! Write on, Miffle


NB Not unheard ;-)

Nell at 15:25 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Hi optiplex,

The perceptive miffle has pointed out something I might not otherwise have noticed, something rather wonderful. And, short and simple as this is it has great impact as a cri-de-coeur - and must surely illicit a response from anyone who has one. You could try one of the exercises in the Poetry Seminar - it may not banish the 'uns' for ever but it might take your mind off them for a while. Haunting in its simplicity - this one is unforgettable. Hope you feel better soon.


joanie at 17:32 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Yes, optiplex, as miffle said, this is a potentially negative poem, where positivity jumps out if you let your eyes wander to the right. Brilliant when you stare at it, like one of those pictures which you can see as a woman's head or a cat, for example, depending which way you look at it.

Great! joanie

poemsgalore at 18:21 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
I agree, I also see the hyphens as representing a gap between the past when the negative feelings were there, and the future, when the more positive feelings will take over.

Don Gorgon at 18:26 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Just thought I'd echo the above optiplex, great works! Simple, but very effective and emotive, very nice!


Shadowgirl at 19:32 on 05 October 2004  Report this post

I have read both this, and your earlier poem many times today. I wanted to thank you for moving me so. It felt to me as if in sharing a little part of your soul by translating that to words, that in turn that too effected mine.

I am far from an expert. I am not sure I really understand any of the arts. So whether in music, painting, poetry or prose, I only know what moves me. Your honest words did. Many here can write well, but yours had a quality which is really quite rare. Passion in it's broadest sense. The ability to move people - make them think and feel and laugh or cry, that is, in my opinion, how real success is measured.

I would so urge you to continue with your writing - for you truly are a writer - and I hope so much you will find that it helps you emotionally.

I wish you much luck, sincerely. Thank you once again for moving me, and indeed others today - that is truly a very special talent.


optiplex at 19:43 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Many thanks to all of you for kind words and comments.

roovacrag at 13:48 on 06 October 2004  Report this post
Optiplex..Liked this a lot even though it is sad.
You chose your words well.

Perhaps your next poem will read,

feel instead of un.
Would make a good set and compliment each other.
Your choice.

Well done.
xx Alice

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