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The Raging Sea

by pene 

Posted: 07 June 2003
Word Count: 146


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Gushing, rushing pounding sea,
a force with which to reckon.
Spewing forth flotsam tales,
relayed to mermaids beckon.
With roar of dry ice spray of foam,
the awesome sea is free to roam.
Sea birds, landlocked crouch,
they cease to soar and dive.
No shoals of fish ride ebbs of tide,
the storm doth rage so wild.
No fishermen put out to catch,
all vessels at harbour must lay.
To strain and creak and fight the tethers,
of ropes and anchor stays.
With tree and tyre, bottle and tin,
midst seaweed, wood and shells.
The scattered tide line scrapyard,
a mess of sights and smells.
A reminder to all safe and sound,
not to sit at ease.
For the summer sky blue millpond,
is as fickle as you please.
Uncontrolled power, uncontrollable will,
with turn of tide and wind driven guide
She rages as she will.






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Comments by other Members



llydstp at 11:52 on 09 June 2003  Report this post
Pene
I hope you will not take offence at this, but I honestly don't think you have pulled it off this time. Your poem can't make up its mind as to what form it is taking: sometimes we have a rhyme every two lines ("reckon" "beckon"); sometimes we have a rhyme on consecutive lines ("foam" "roam"); sometimes we don't get a rhyme for several lines. The metre of the poem is all over the place and I find this very distracting in a work of this nature. It seems to me that "The Raging Sea" is trying to be a good old-fashioned poem and free verse all at the same time - a very difficult thing to achieve.
Perhaps others will disagree with me (I hope they do because conflicting opinions can spark off some healthy discussion), but my feeling is that this poem feels old-fashioned - it even contains the word "doth", and as such, needs to obey some of the old rules in order to work.
Best wishes
Steve

pene at 15:13 on 11 June 2003  Report this post
Steve thanks for your comments, I think I can see what you mean? I think I have said before that I am not a writer as such and am very ignorant about how things should be written, I write what I see and feel, I think sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt. I will take note of what you have said and see if I can apply what you have said. thanks again for taking the time to comment
best wishes
Pene

llydstp at 19:36 on 12 June 2003  Report this post
Pene
Of course you are a writer! I hope my comments were not too harsh - it's simply that I felt you owed it to yourself to be more careful with your words and lovely ideas.
Keep writing!
Steve

pene at 07:44 on 13 June 2003  Report this post
thanks Steve I havnt taken offence and am flattered that you think I can write.
I am always willing to learn new things and try to put them in to practice. thanks again
Take care Pene


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