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want me, need me

by optiplex 

Posted: 03 October 2004
Word Count: 59

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Lost inside my mind and life
All the right choices for all the wrong reasons

How did I end in this place,
listing, lifeless and no way to escape

Feeling old, disatisfied with life

Fire for life is burning out

deep, down, depressed, sad

Craving, wanting, needing, not feeling, not living

Help me, recognise me, see me, need me

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Comments by other Members

PJ Martin at 21:08 on 03 October 2004  Report this post
And your only 97 years old how about us time movers iam young and last week i was 150 years old.

Your years are 3 earth months long aren't they?

thank i needed somone to cheer me up, and you did the job, great.

optiplex at 21:44 on 04 October 2004  Report this post
I Do not understand you're comments - is this constructuve, or sarcastic....

Please explain

roger at 08:15 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Hi Optiplex, and welcome to WW.

I don’t understand PJ’s comment either. My best guess is that it’s attempted humour that sadly failed to come off due to its shallowness. Best ignored.

Regarding ‘want me, need me’, to an extent, often a large one, all prose and poetry is an expression of the writer’s true self/feelings, that, for whatever reason, cannot easily be expressed openly. And on that basis, having read ‘want me, need me’ I’d think, great, he’s got that out of his system, he’s done it very eloquently, and he’ll feel better for it. A good piece of writing. But in your profile, you say that you’re neither a poet nor a writer. I’m not sure whether that means ‘yet’, or whether you have no wish to be either. Also, you say you work in banking and that you’ve had enough of ‘that way of life’. Well taking those two statements at face value (often a mistake but I’ll do it anyway), I’d read ‘want me, need me’ as a heartfelt cry for help. My response would be that you need to re-evaluate your life. Urgently. If you don’t, the path you’re on may well kill you. If you’re in banking, then you’re in it for the money…what other reason can there be? Maybe money isn’t what you really want/need? Maybe you need to be a writer, a poet, a postman, a shepherd, a whatever. But, certainly, you need to act quickly and decisively. If you don’t, you’ll settle for materialism and the resultant stress will remove any hope of ever experiencing what’s really good in life.

Hey, I often find myself holding the wrong end of a stick, and I may well be doing that now. If so, please feel free to treat all the above as nonsensical bollocks and keep writing…based on ‘want me, need me’, you can do it. But if for once I’m holding the stick correctly, don’t procrastinate; just follow your heart rather than your head for once. The result might amaze you. And good luck, mate.

optiplex at 12:09 on 05 October 2004  Report this post

many thanks for you're comments and advice. Much appreciated - and no you are not "talking bollocks".... I guess I just need to get myself sorted... Thought I was, but over a period of time it has become more obvious that i have just been masking feelings both from myself, and family.

As for the aspiring writer / poet - I have always thought of myself as the most un-literate person that I know.... Maybe there is hope for me... who knows... :-)

I just think that anything that I write at the moment would be grim / depressing - there is enough bad things happen in this world without me publicising some more! We'll see

Guess a little late for a career change... From computing / Banking over to writing... some things are just a little to radical!

Look after yourself, and thank you for you're time.

miffle at 14:10 on 05 October 2004  Report this post
Optiplex, I'm not very good at writing about dark things so I admire you for your efforts here. It strikes me that the speaker here has lost himself along the way somewhere: very easy to do amid the pressures of life. It reminds me of a short poem I wrote earlier this year:

'About A Girl'

Somewhere along the way she lost herself
She has been looking for red shoes ever since

Time I think for the jaded speaker to rediscover his passions...

A few more thoughts on your poem:

I found the phrase 'how did I end in this place' interesting. Perhaps you meant 'how did I end up in this place'? Or perhaps you do mean that you feel as if you have 'ended' (?)

'Fire for life is burning out': perhaps consider condensing the metaphor to 'Fire is burning out'(?) : for me this creates a stronger fire image... Plus, I infer 'for life' from the context of your poem.

'deep, down, depressed, sad' or 'deep down, depressed, sad' ? Interesting here how a comma changes the meaning completely.

I do like the alternating rhythms you create in this poem: the longer phrases partnered with shorter phrases punctuated with commas. The shorter phrases, in particular, seem to me to carry weight and heaviness. These rhythms for me are the strongest aspect of the poem and perhaps one you could work with some more (?)

Look forward to reading more :-) Write on, Miffle

NB Never too late! Mary Wesley: didn't she start writing in her 60s? And, just think of all the experiences she had to draw upon!

The Walrus at 20:40 on 08 October 2004  Report this post
'Lost inside my mind...' hmmm, most people are, although they don't realise it. 'I think therefore I am' what a complete load of bollocks. Anyway, ignore me just a soapbox. Back to your thought provoking poem - again, I find this devastatingly honest. Mind-bypassing writing. How refreshing.


The Walrus

Lawrenco at 20:43 on 15 October 2004  Report this post
A wonderful empathetic poem of the woes of life. Simply listed in an effective way .It`s diversity is universal I enjoyed thanks optiplex

Tuppence at 00:16 on 24 January 2005  Report this post
not wanting to go deeply
left lot 2 think about

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