Login   Sign Up 




Posted: 01 October 2004
Word Count: 197

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Thereís a quiet insistence in the hissing machine,
A confidence in itís ability to produce
The perfect coffee, first time, every time.

The Columbus is filling slowly, Saturdays breakfast
Treats anticipated, the chatter growing to a level
That the Postmistress would never have tolerated.

For a Post Office it used to be, when we still had them,
A large Edwardian brick building, all false columns
And portico, and plaster crest of a long dead king.

If a building could grin this one would, Iím sure it likes
The new raiment, much more fun with music, morning papers,
Saturday snippets, a joyful prologue of the day.

Mostly couples here so far, all of an age, she orders
Flat white decaf and eggs benedict, he orders a large cappuccino
And a full breakfast, then choose a table, choose a chair.

Then the conversation starts, slow at first, they're learning
Again how to talk and how to listen, no time
For practice in the wage driven week.

And you wonder what comes next, as they leave does
The closing door decapitate the dayís promise, leaving a headless
Saturday still and silent in the warming sun.

Or does it lead onÖ..

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Lawrenco at 09:54 on 02 October 2004  Report this post
I found the poem to have a prose narrative style.I like the simily of the coffee machine with the precision of efficiency,and the way it has a greater relavance of the churning treadmill of existence."learning to talk again".poinant reminder of how controlled we are.
subtle balanced is placed back with the last line or does it lead on.

TheGodfather at 14:58 on 07 October 2004  Report this post

I enjoyed the lines 'in the wage driven week' and 'decapitate the dayís promise'. You paint a quaint scene. I sense there is a bigger picture of relationships going on here, but I can't quite pick it up. Read it a few times. Liked the language.

I wondered if you switched point of view in it, going from 'you' to 'they', like we were in the story and then we were out of the story. 'you have to learn
Again how to talk and how to listen' - in the scene --- 'as they leave does' - not in the scene. Just a thought.


LONGJON at 01:05 on 08 October 2004  Report this post
Hello Lawrenco, Hello Godfather,

Many thanks for your comments, enjoyed writing this while having a coffee at the Columbus about 2 weeks ago.

Godfather, thanks for your comments about the change of scene, very perceptive - have changed the piece acordingly and it certainly reads better.

John P.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .