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Painting
Posted: 05 June 2003
Word Count: 92
Summary: I put this up on the site years ago but feels it meet's the challenge's criteria. Is this cheating?
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She turns her head sideways
to reveal beneath the lunar landscape
a beauty so deeply buried that
archaeologists brush at it
delicately, holding their breath.
Care driven like dirt into the seams
with such brutal force
that you would weep to see it.
Among the broken stones of cheeks and bones
is etched the hieroglyphic evidence
of a girl who lost her way in life and left
a legacy so steeped in disappointment
that its light cannot be seen until
we dip our brush in idle thought
and peel away the grime.
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Comments by other Members
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 didau at 14:13 on 10 June 2003
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Well, wow is nice. Can't ask for too much more than that.
I can't help feeling though that it needs a polish is a coupkle of places
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Ellenna at 22:32 on 13 June 2003
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Don't polish it... although I am not really qualified to say.. I just feel this is so good as it is... but then I never did like shiny pristine new things lol.
its's great!
Ellenna
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bluesky3d at 06:44 on 14 June 2003
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'Among the broken stones of cheeks and bones'
what a brilliant phrase!
Great stuff! I agree, I love the enigmatic quality.
Andrew :o)
ps (by the way .. I could only see the Mona Lisa when I first read this?)
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didau at 18:26 on 14 June 2003
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the mona lisa's presence is your stuff andrew, but its nice to know she's lurking there.
I'm taking on board the comments about unpolished stuff having merit, but there is something a little awkward about the final two lines, don't you think?
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bluesky3d at 08:02 on 15 June 2003
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if not the Mona Lisa who is the mystery girl?
'Among the broken stones of cheeks and bones
is etched the hieroglyphic evidence
of a girl who lost her way in life and left
a legacy so steeped in disappointment
that it is unseen until a moment is taken
to dip that brush in idle thought.'
To me, this means that the evidence for us to witness the girl's plight, becomes evident only after the moment when, almost by chance, ('in idle thought') the artist captures her on canvas.
Personally, I think it does not need polishing.. it says it all exactly as it is!
(if you look at the Mona Lisa, you may see what I mean about 'below a luna landscape', but I agree 'the cheeks and bones' doesn't quite work for Mona.}
A
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bluesky3d at 12:09 on 15 June 2003
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So .. second thoughts were it must be a painting of the Sphinx!
But I don't think I am right, cos the Sphinx doesn't turn her head sideways
A
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didau at 13:41 on 17 June 2003
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it's not a painting of anyone as such - I called the poem 'painting' because I wanted to give the impression of a portrait conjured from words - not as a reflection on a painting I've seen.
If anyone, it's about my mother but how would you, or anyone else be expected to know that?
D
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