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Haiku
Posted: 19 September 2004
Word Count: 11
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Rising up from dark water
A place of tranquillity,
the island
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Comments by other Members
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 poemsgalore at 18:13 on 20 September 2004
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Very thoughtful, profound even, I imagine still water in the darkness, with a mysterious, exotic land looming up in the near distance. Lovely.
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 joanie at 19:36 on 20 September 2004
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Hi Kay, this is very atmospheric. I can see it! I like 'the' island rather than 'an' island.
joanie
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Seahorse at 14:25 on 30 September 2004
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Could be a metaphor for so many things; really nice and thought-provoking.
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Anj at 14:26 on 30 September 2004
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Really lovely, evocative, moving. God, I wish I lived on that island right now!
Take care
Andrea
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Account Closed at 20:06 on 05 November 2004
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Can't imagine why I haven't seen this one before - it's great, very peaceful and profound.
I'd be tempted to make the "A" of "A place" into a non-capital "a" to add smoothness, and maybe put a semi-colon at the end of line 2, to lead you into the finale of the 3rd line - but I'm just being my usual grammar-crazed self (sorry, sorry!!), and it's still lovely whatever you do!!
:))
LoL
A
xxx
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DerekH at 10:44 on 12 November 2004
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Kay, this is full of atmosphere. Makes me want to see the island too.
Derek.
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lieslj at 03:21 on 26 November 2004
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Now you need a title!
You could try writing one that is longer than the original work, something along the lines of: Dashing off a quick postcard to my brother who works in a steel mill amidst a great din.
Or a one-worder, like Prayer.
You've made a good beginning.
Liesl
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jewelsx at 02:00 on 19 January 2005
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hi,
I agree with almost everyone above from dark to tranquil, this piece has a great sense of calm. The island - it could be a metaphor for so many different things, this haiku will no doubt connect with everyone on a single individual basis in connection with their own personal experiences.
loved it
julie
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Comments by other Members
