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by Kay 

Posted: 19 September 2004
Word Count: 11

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Rising up from dark water
A place of tranquillity,
the island

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Comments by other Members

poemsgalore at 18:13 on 20 September 2004  Report this post
Very thoughtful, profound even, I imagine still water in the darkness, with a mysterious, exotic land looming up in the near distance. Lovely.

joanie at 19:36 on 20 September 2004  Report this post
Hi Kay, this is very atmospheric. I can see it! I like 'the' island rather than 'an' island.


The Walrus at 21:53 on 21 September 2004  Report this post
Simple, but moving and very visual.

The Walrus

Seahorse at 14:25 on 30 September 2004  Report this post
Could be a metaphor for so many things; really nice and thought-provoking.

Anj at 14:26 on 30 September 2004  Report this post
Really lovely, evocative, moving. God, I wish I lived on that island right now!

Take care

Account Closed at 20:06 on 05 November 2004  Report this post
Can't imagine why I haven't seen this one before - it's great, very peaceful and profound.

I'd be tempted to make the "A" of "A place" into a non-capital "a" to add smoothness, and maybe put a semi-colon at the end of line 2, to lead you into the finale of the 3rd line - but I'm just being my usual grammar-crazed self (sorry, sorry!!), and it's still lovely whatever you do!!




DerekH at 10:44 on 12 November 2004  Report this post
Kay, this is full of atmosphere. Makes me want to see the island too.


lieslj at 03:21 on 26 November 2004  Report this post
Now you need a title!

You could try writing one that is longer than the original work, something along the lines of: Dashing off a quick postcard to my brother who works in a steel mill amidst a great din.

Or a one-worder, like Prayer.

You've made a good beginning.


jewelsx at 02:00 on 19 January 2005  Report this post

I agree with almost everyone above from dark to tranquil, this piece has a great sense of calm. The island - it could be a metaphor for so many different things, this haiku will no doubt connect with everyone on a single individual basis in connection with their own personal experiences.

loved it

paul53 [for I am he] at 11:12 on 13 March 2005  Report this post
i shall reread this
on a lonely wooded isle
under Spring blossoms

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