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The Scarf
Posted: 15 September 2004
Word Count: 109
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THE SCARF
She is dust, seeding the careless wind
the form of absence is her presence now
yet her living essence lingers, real to sense
in the fibres of her scarf.
I touch, caress, and breathe her in,
fold her round me in unfriendly sleep
the sense of her, as ever stubborn, clings
to this last fragment of our earthly things.
I miss the flesh and blood of her, but deeper still
I miss the light behind her eyes
her spirit, her mind,
and yes oh yes her loving touch.
Men just can't do scarves, she used to say
at mine in hopeless, schoolboy disarray
I do now.
Zettel
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Comments by other Members
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 lieslj at 05:33 on 16 September 2004
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Hi Zettel,
This poem is a tender elegy to one who was, it seems, greatly loved.
I particularly like this line. It strikes a chord of recognition!:
| fold her round me in unfriendly sleep |
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And these two, although I would personally use 'to' instead of 'at' before 'mine' and insert a full stop after 'disarray':
Men just can't do scarves, she used to say
at mine in hopeless, schoolboy disarray |
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My sense is that the last two words, 'to sense' in this line don't add significantly. I would respectfully suggest you consider the line without them:
| yet her living essence lingers, real to sense |
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I enjoyed the humorous twist at the end.
Regards
Liesl
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 James Graham at 10:22 on 17 September 2004
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Could I just throw in an idea and see what you think? The poem could begin:
I do scarves now.
She is dust... |
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and end:
Seeing my scarf in schoolboy disarray,
Men can't do scarves, she used to say. |
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The poem would then be enclosed, so to speak, in the scarf - but maybe you'd feel that was too contrived.
James.
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Ticonderoga at 14:05 on 18 September 2004
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Love the ambiguity of this; the tenderness runs so deep, beyond sexuality, that it could be for a parent or a lover.....think James may be on to something re framimg. Very fine, though.
Best,
Mike
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.JPG) Zettel at 04:57 on 19 September 2004
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Thanks all for the comments.
James I agree that the symmetry of the poem might be enhanced by your suggestion but then it wouldn't quite express the same feeling. "I do now" for me is a kind of 'spike' of grief. Whether or not it works, it tries to express the sharp, unreconciled nature of loss.
Much of my stuff (it's not really poetry) is philosophical in nature and seeks to bring things into some kind of unity. It is probably true that even loss should in the end be brought in to such a perspective but this 'poem' tries to express a sense of the 'raggedness' of loss.
Intention and achievement are of course two different things.
Liesl
You aren't wrong about 'to' and 'at' but I think it's marginal. On reflection, I'd like to improve 'real to sense' but just leaving it out screws up ht erhythm in my head.
Thanks again for the comments. Encoruaging after the last one.
Z
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engldolph at 18:13 on 27 September 2004
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HI Z
Liked the way the poem brings forward the way objects absorb their owner..or previous owner...and the choice of scarf os quite a powerful image to bring the feeling of an emotion wrapping around..
Particularly liked the lines
I touch, caress, and breathe her in,
fold her round me in unfriendly sleep ..
Thought these were stronger than the lines:
I miss the flesh and blood of her, but deeper still
I miss the light behind her eyes
I'm not sure you need to express this so explicitly..seems to then nail it down too much..your other lines already carry this thought..
Enjoyed
Mike
<Added>
ps. Why in Italics? Distracted me rather than added...
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