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Adrift of love
Posted: 28 August 2004
Word Count: 106
Summary: a piece of drift love......
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Adrift of love
you found my loss as fragile as yours was
under our love a stone unturned the water
gobbled the beach we walked our fingers
played along the dips of touch a splashed
blessing scooped from the ocean's font,
the entry wounds of innocence were easily healed
razorshells broken stunk in the bladdered sop of weeds
gulls in feasting clouds unzipped each bloody softness
while the warmth of our close blood enfolded its arms
about the cold November morning frozen in my camera,
sometimes a fragment of love
does turn back the tides
sometimes a fragment of love
leaves us to drift becalmed.
John.G.Hall(C)2004
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Comments by other Members
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 Nell at 17:40 on 28 August 2004
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John, I keep returning to this, it's somehow elusive; one chases those images/ideas, almost catches them, then they seem to slip away. I hesitated over that 'was' at the end of the first line, almost wanted it not to be there, but the enjambment made me return to read again and gain the sense that his loss was somehow under their love (which was like an unturned stone ie. had yet to reveal what was hidden or to realize its potential). The words wash over the reader like the sea and the waves. The placing side by side of ...the entry wounds of innocence... and the image of the feasting gulls, the ...bloody softness... the ...close blood... on the next line, the contrast of warmth and cold, then that surprising word camera, mechanical in the midst of the sensuality of the natural things almost shocks. The poem itself is like a snapshot, a record of a moment in time. The last stanza has the effect of collecting those elusive ideas/images and summing them up - one is left with the sense that there is still something between the couple that the poem and the sea have somehow mirrored in their drift of words and water. Probably better enjoyed rather than analysed, but I do like to know how poems work their magic.
Typos: oceans font (ocean's font)
innoccence (innocence)
it's arms (its arms)
Nell.
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 miffle at 14:10 on 29 August 2004
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I like the drunkeness and wordplay of the 'bladdered sop of weeds': lovely on the tongue.
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Tina at 08:40 on 31 August 2004
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John
I like the way the stanzas arew written like the tides ebb and flow and the continuity / liquidity of your images here but most of all I like the last stanza as it says more to me than the rest - lovely work thanks.
Tina
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olebut at 09:02 on 31 August 2004
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John everything about this is evocative and sensuous with great imagery and phrasiology and rounded off with an extremely profound observation which most of us experiense in one form in our lives
sometimes a fragment of love
does turn back the tides
sometimes a fragment of love
leaves us to drift becalmed. |
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excellent
dvaid
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Sam Rix at 22:32 on 31 August 2004
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Hi John,
I found myself being jostled by this one, I never quite settled in choppy waves, until the last lines reached out to me;
‘sometimes a fragment of love
does turn back the tides
sometimes a fragment of love
leaves us to drift becalmed.’
Then I found centre and calm, I really loved those last lines, the first part of the work emphasised the last , with the change in momentum.
Keep it up
Love and luck
Sam
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John G.Hall 
Comments by other Members
