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Pick Me While I Am A Rose

by Brenpoet 

Posted: 21 August 2004
Word Count: 87
Summary: Youth, and its fleeting beauty.

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Pick me while I am a Rose
Before my petals die away,
Red and sweet, they bloom today
In deep and velvet hue

Pick me while my potent scent
Intoxicates, with heady glow,
Seduction is its purpose now
With fragrant, honeyed dew

Pick me while my pollen clouds
In yellow dust before your eyes,
Enticing you, with wanton sighs,
To make me all your own

One day, I will shed my gown,
My crimson raiment fade and wilt,
Tarnished jewels, strewn and spilt,
From Summer's ruby crown

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Comments by other Members

roovacrag at 20:50 on 21 August 2004  Report this post
BRENPOET. Welcome to ww.

Well written,flowed well and the rhythm was superb.

First stanza did it for me. Perfect.

Catch the reader with the first few lines,then they read on.

You did well.

xx Alice

Fearless at 21:09 on 21 August 2004  Report this post
Beautiful...but perhaps it could have gone on longer, as if there was more, much more, to say.

Welcome to WW.

Write on, Fearless

miffle at 22:04 on 21 August 2004  Report this post
Enjoyed the insistence of this piece ;-)

Pleased to hear the Rose's voice too!: read it as a sort of inversion of poems like 'To His Coy Mistress' (Marvell) and 'The Flea' (Donne) i.e. poems by The Metaphysical Poets known for their wit / persuasiveness / 'seize the day and sleep with me!' poems ;-)

And it seemed that in Elizabethan times that writing about Desire was very much a male pursuit (!?); and I would , therefore, be very interested to know the gender of this Rose!!

'the grave's a fine and private place / But none I think do there embrace' (To His Coy Mistress') ;-) Probably just made her laugh!!

Look forward to reading more. Kind regards, Nikki

Nell at 12:33 on 22 August 2004  Report this post
Hi Brenpoet, welcome to WriteWords. It's good to see the more traditional forms constructed with the thought and care that you've obviously put into this poem. I was reminded of those sixteenth century sonneteers too, and I've always wondered how much success (as miffle says 'seize the day and sleep with me!') they had with their poetic persuasions. This Rose must surely be female?! Seduction is the purpose of the poem, and I wonder if it would be as potent today as it would have been then, or at any time since. It's interesting that the first three stanzas begin with an invitation to 'Pick me...' and when the reader reaches the fourth it's at first as though she's anticipating undressing for her lover, teasing him perhaps, yet the following line disabuses the reader of this idea, reminding him/her that things do not last for ever (hinting at decay, death perhaps) and bringing us back to the title and the first line, the plea at the poem's centre. I enjoyed this very much.


joanie at 19:47 on 22 August 2004  Report this post
Brenpoet, welcome to WW. I liked this. I like the form of it and the slightly archaic feel.
I love the repetition of the opening of the first three verses.
Lovely, yet I am left wondering .... was she picked? I hope so!

The Walrus at 19:17 on 24 August 2004  Report this post
A delight... colours, textures, scents intricately woven into a wistful reflection.

The Walrus

tinalouise at 20:13 on 25 August 2004  Report this post
What a delight to read, this sang beautifully in my head with gorgeous imagery. The line "Pick me while my pollen clouds
In yellow dust before your eyes" was so visual and stayed with me. I thoroughly enjoyed the pictures. Namaste

old friend at 05:41 on 02 November 2004  Report this post
I read this as a result of looking into the new Random Read. I so agree with Nell. At last I can read Poetry that looks like poetry and sounds like poetry.

I thought this was so gentle and soft... a lovely piece.

paul53 [for I am he] at 14:18 on 02 March 2005  Report this post
Just found on Random Reads. Excellent.

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