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Silence
Posted: 16 February 2003
Word Count: 162
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When I close my eyes
and the aroma of boot polish wafts across the surface of the neem trees.
When my thoughts caress my toes
and the sharp nails sever the flesh inside my breath.
When the bat
that hit the fan
that died in the land of muezzins.
And the universe turned to water.
And effluence
seeped through
the veins behind my face.
And the thousand eyes
and the thousand ears,
began to dance
with their thousand tongues.
While the scurrying lizard
felt the gaze of a child against the wall.
And the embers that blossomed
amongst the bare feet
faded
and died
and closed their eyes.
While a silence
spread
across my palms.
And the odour of intestines
draped across the vista,
The frangipani
weeping
its waxy fragrance
into the smiling hands
that fed the soul.
And the body
that became consumed
While the flames died
and the Krishnachuras cried
And a silent fruit
became lost
in never-ending silence.
---Jib, 30 Aug 99, sitting on a beach in Port Erin, Isle of Man.
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Comments by other Members
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 James Graham at 18:18 on 23 February 2003
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'The Altruistic Elephant' doesn't need comment, it speaks for itself - which is not to say it's simple or obvious, there's a lot of directions the reader's thoughts can go.
I like 'All I can do' very much too. In the second section, or stanza, I notice especially the long line, which is just right for what it says. It's hard to pin down, but it seems to suggest that the feeling of vulnerability lingers, isn't just of the moment, whereas the rest of this stanza is about momentary feelings or impulses. But... 'The warmth of your gaze' and 'images of tenderness' do strike me as a bit like the lyrics of a musical. Maybe you need something more in keeping with 'The palm of your hand/with the palm of mine', which is so much more immediate. And the last line doesn't seem necessary: 'And all I can say/Is nothing' would end the poem well, echoing earlier lines.
'Silence' - One of the strengths of this poem is that everything is subordinate. When...While...And..., long subordinate clauses leading to no main statement - i.e. no action, no assertion, which suits the subject perfectly. But I'm not sure of some details. 'The bat/that hit the fan/that died in the land of muezzins' is very striking, but is there a specific reference? Much of the imagery suggests a tropical place (Polynesian? - where is it they walk on hot embers?), one that is evoked by the place where you actually are (Isle of Man). But some lines leave me puzzled - 'the odour of intestines' and 'the body/that became consumed', for example. Maybe it's due to a lack of background knowledge on my part. Other lines are immediately striking, comprehensible and memorable, e.g. 'While the scurrying lizard/felt the gaze of a child against the wall'.
James.
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 Jibunnessa at 14:09 on 06 April 2003
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The setting is Bangladesh. The bat refers to an actual bat that came into the room through a carved ventillation grating cut into the wall. It got slapped in the face by the rotating blades of a ceiling fan, died and fell to the ground. I left it on a maroon-coloured cloth, and found a bleached white bat skeleton surrounded by a perfect circle of powdered black bat fur the next morning. The ants had totally cleaned it off overnight.
This image has been really important to me and recurr in a few of my writings.
The rest of the imagery, I'd rather NOT explain. I think too much explaination would spoil it.
I'm glad you like it though.
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James Graham at 20:31 on 15 April 2003
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Your note on the bat makes it even more striking as an image. If it recurs in your work, I would imagine that would mean its significance gradually unfolds as the reader discovers it in different contexts. A few lines still leave me puzzled, but I don't mean to press you to explain. As I re-read the poem, I do find that meaning begins to emerge where I thought I couldn't see it before, or even sometimes just a sense of the rightness of a line where I couldn't see it before. I think there is - and this is not a criticism - a degree of obscurity in some of your work. For example, 'And the thousand eyes/and the thousand ears,/began to dance/with their thousand tongues'. I feel you must know the content, the source, the referent, of those lines better than any reader can. But at the same time the reader can bring his or her own imagination to them, even discover something in them that isn't there for you. In other words, images like this can be left alone, without explanation from the poet. The reader has to work at it. That's the best kind of 'obscurity' - meaning held back, while the poem draws the reader into a search for meaning. The more I get into your work, the better I like it!
James.
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Jibunnessa at 00:05 on 17 April 2003
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I think you're absolutely right. It's good to leave room for people to discover things for themselves. And even better if something new can be discovered during each encounter.
I extend this thought to everything, and is one of the reasons I love London so much. You walk down the same street about a hundred times, and oneday because you have a bit more time, you notice a narrow alleyway that leads onto a courtyard with a secret garden and steps leading upto some lovingly looked after museum that pays homage to somebody or some idea or thing.
But that's NOT what the poem's about.
I'm glad you're beginning to like my work.
Cheers.
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 joanie at 19:23 on 11 June 2006
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Hi Jib. This is very interesting. The fact that you wrote it on Port Erin beach (what a wonderful bay!) and that it's set in Bangladesh, is mind-blowing! I have enjoyed reading your poem, but also the comments. I can't get away from the image of you sitting on the beach and scribbling!
There are lots of things here which set my mind racing: While the scurrying lizard
felt the gaze of a child against the wall.
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whisks me off to foreign shores!
And a silent fruit
became lost
in never-ending silence. |
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just makes me think!
Like I said in your latest poem, the meaning is tantalisingly there yet elusive.
Lovely. I really did enjoy reading!
joanie
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